Category

Relationships

Trust: Will I Ever Be Happy?

By | Relationships | One Comment

When you have questions, who do you turn to? Is it Google?? How many of us Google our symptoms way before we call the doctor? And what we find is not always the most encouraging answers. So what if we took our 10 most asked relationship questions, and instead of asking Google for the answers, we asked God for the answers?

This week, Pastors Mike and Julie Signorelli tackle the Top Ten Most Googled questions on relationships, and offer you a fresh biblical perspective. So let’s dive right in!

10. What Does A Healthy Relationship Look Like?

Putting your marriage first above anyone or anything else. A healthy relationship increases the health of the individuals in the relationship.

Mark 10:9: “Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.”

9. How Do You Know Your Relationship Is Over?

In marriage, you don’t pick the right one, you choose to be the right one. In premarital counseling, we ask about exit strategy. And it’s a trick question. Cause our heart is to go into marriage being willing to work through anything.

History doesn’t mean you have a future. 

8. How To Get Out Of A Toxic Relationship?

Don’t GET IN one! But if you are in one, it’s very important to get out of an unhealthy situation. If you are married – there are times when maybe divorce isn’t the right thing, but because of toxicity levels, you may need to step away from a time. The best way to get out of a toxic relationship is to get healthy yourself.

7. How To Get Over A Relationship?

6. What Is An Open Relationship?

You have an open relationship as soon as you have your needs for intimacy met by someone other than your spouse. And this is a danger zone!

5. How To Save Your Relationship?

You save a relationship through sacrificial giving. Something must die for something to live. This is nature.

Ephesians 5:25: “For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up his life for her.”

4. Should I date a non-Christian? 

You shouldn’t date anyone who doesn’t match your values! Ron Swanson would have a hard time dating a vegan. If you can’t agree on a meal, don’t agree on a marriage!

3. How To Build Trust In A Relationship?

Trust is built through consistent reliability. If you didn’t check the seat for it’s durability before you sat on it, chances are it has never failed you. “My partner doesn’t trust me” is another way of saying, “a chair broke when I sat in it so don’t judge me if I check this new one every time I get ready to sit down until I can prove it’s consistently reliable.”

2. When To Change Your Relationship Status On Facebook?

We all have a personal brand. Your brand is the total sum of all the choices you make and the consequences they create. Go public with a relationship after you’re sure people won’t eye roll your decision.

1. How To Make A Long-Distance Relationship Work?

Long Distance relationships can be a great thing because they force you to work on the non-physical aspects of intimacy and connection. That’s our story.

For more insights into each of these questions, tune in and subscribe to our YouTube channel!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jZjHgiSnGmA&t=3s

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How to Change People

By | Relationships | One Comment

Welcome all of the “control freaks anonymous” to the blog! Haha 

If you’re anything like me, you struggle seeing people you love make the same mistakes over and over. It’s like, “when are you going to finally see everything I’ve been trying to explain to you?!” 

I’ve spent years facing the harsh reality that a prophet in his hometown is without honor. As a preacher and pastor, people send me messages from all over the world recounting stories of breakthrough and freedom as they listen to a sermon, or received prayer during an event. It’s very easy to hear these stories and assume that I have the power to change people. 

It’s even easier to get upset when all of my efforts to change the people closest to me fail. 

Why did they not listen? 

When are they finally going to see it? 

How do I stop them from making bad decisions?

These are the questions that plague our souls while in a relationship. Whether you’re a husband, wife, girlfriend, boyfriend, brother, sister, friend….whatever….you are going to feel this way sooner or later. 

We need to have HEALTHY relationships, marriages, and friendships. And this isn’t just cutting out the UNHEALTHY people, or desperately trying to change them—but something else entirely. 

You have a responsibility to practice radical sacrifice, and to exchange disunity for unity. Sometimes, you must sacrifice your pride to have crucial conversations, saying things in love with the purpose of reconciliation.

(See Galatians 5:19-26, 2 Kings 6:15-17, Galatians 6:7-8, Matthew 5:23-24)

You get HIS provision, protection, and peace when you fight a battle in HIS strength.

How do you fight for unity, instead of fighting to “change them”? You fight the spirit of disunity with its opposite.

  1. Unity against division
  2. Empathy for contentment
  3. Vulnerability for isolation
  4. Encouragement for gossip
  5. Prayer for angry opinions

Put your energy into fighting the RIGHT FIGHT!

We spend our energy fighting AGAINST our relationships, instead of fighting FOR our relationships. We see this all the time in marriage: people spending energy to be right, but not spending energy to be one.

“This is my commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends. You are my friends if you do what I command you. No longer do I call you servants, for the servant does not know what his master is doing; but I have called you friends, for all that I have heard from my Father I have made known to you.’” John 15:12-15 ESV

Here’s the secret: your phone has a front facing camera and a camera on the back. As long as you keep the front facing camera on you, and focus all of your energy into changing what you see mentally, physically, and emotionally for the better, according to God’s will, you can experience the peace of God. You do not have the power to change anyone on earth except YOU. Let your change inspire their change. This is what you can control. Model the behaviors you want to see in others. Be the change you desire in the world. 

If you want to learn more about how to handle haters, watch this message from our new series GHOSTED and subscribe to our youtube channel:

https://youtu.be/NnkuvtIRPxY

NEW YEAR, NEW YOU

This free ebook resource, “New Year, New Me” will take you from chaos to clarity.

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How to Get the Love You Need

By | Relationships | No Comments

Let’s face it—you need love. 

I’d like to think that it’s possible to satiate that need with a phone. I’d like to think that checking into church, the gym, and work would satiate the desire for closeness. 

You have two seemingly contradictory needs: independence and closeness 

Some psychologists believe that our earliest experiences in the womb shape this paradoxical desire. We are wholly dependent and independent at the same time. NSYNC captured this struggle with their hit song, “Baby” ….yes…there’s a profound revelation in the words: “It’s tearin up my heart when I’m with you/but when we are apart I feel it too/and no matter what I do/I feel the pain, with or without you” 

We all struggle because there’s a part of us that wants what we don’t have. If you’re single, you want to be in a loving relationship. If you’re in a committed relationship there’s a tendency to wonder “what if” you were single again, or even with someone else entirely. Getting the ratio of independence and intimacy right can feel paralyzing, confusing, and painful. 

Being single and dating can feel like that moment when you pour a bowl full of cereal and you’re super excited, but then realize you’re all out of milk. Expectations are at an all-time high and an all-time low 

Even if you start enjoying being in a relationship it can feel like when you’re sleeping and your alarm hasn’t gone off yet but the amount of sleep you’re getting feels a little suspicious. 

We feel the tension between independence and closeness. How do we know when we are encountering the real thing? 

Counterfeit Closeness: Closeness without covenant 

Their “promise” is not enough. Heck, nowadays, a contract isn’t enough. Every time I see a billboard advertising $399 for a divorce I wonder, “Did the couple first try to spend $399 on dates?” We can settle for a counterfeit closeness that says sex, promises, and even contracts are enough to bring the sense of closeness we desire. Covenant is a commitment outlined in scripture. The Genesis account of creation details the first human relationship. Adam had a relationship with God, but that was actually not enough. God said, “it isn’t good that man is alone.” It’s possible to know God and yet still have a measure of loneliness in your life. Even God honors our aching for human intimacy and provides provisions to satisfy our longing. Remember, it was God Himself who made Eve from Adam’s rib. God is still providing and provisioning the relationship you long for. His faithfulness is never-ending. 

Know therefore that the Lord your God is God; he is the faithful God, keeping his covenant of love to a thousand generations of those who love him and keep his commandments.

Deuteronomy 7:9 

Counterfeit Independence: “I can take care of myself” turns into “I don’t want to hear your input.” There’s a fine line between healthy and unhealthy independence. 

“I don’t want to get married” can actually be, “I don’t want to get hurt.” 

Sometimes, even trying to take care of yourself prevents people from serving you. You can become so independent that there’s no room in your life for someone to safely occupy relational space. Adam recognized the need for a helpmate. God recognized the need and provided. Pride and woundedness tells you that you can do it all by yourself, but God orchestrates a beautiful interconnectedness that heals us as we lean into relationship. 

God wants to turn the pain of relationship into purpose. 

God wants you to experience true independence and intimacy. I find it surprising that the Holy Spirit has two primary roles as outlined in scripture, and both of them fulfill our greatest needs. The Holy Spirit is our comforter (intimacy) and He empowers (independence)! 

So it is my prayer that you come into relationship with the Holy Spirit through the finish work of the cross, so that you can bring every other relationship into alignment. 

For more insights, subscribe to the V1 Church Podcast and listen to our series, “Ghosted”

 Just in case, here’s the podcast link: https://soundcloud.com/user-209942460/its-tearing-up-my-heart-ghosted-part-1 

NEW YEAR, NEW YOU

This free ebook resource, “New Year, New Me” will take you from chaos to clarity.

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This May Be a Drill, But Offense is Real!

By | Relationships | No Comments

Picture this: you’re 7 years old, learning about how your heart has four chambers when all of a sudden you hear this blaring siren sound. Your teacher begins to usher your class into a straight line and out of the building. Unless you were home schooled (like my girls) you experienced this modern phenomenon called a fire drill at least once a year for each year you were in school. You may even have to do these still at your job.

Why do we have these drills? Because our ability to respond well to a fire in a large group situation is not trusted. Now I don’t know about you, but I have never experienced a fire in real life. I have however experienced offense on a daily basis. We all do, yet most of us have never been trained to respond well to offense in a one-on-one situation, let alone a group situation. Really we should have had offense drills and not fire drills. So consider this your first official offense drill!

Offense is a huge part of today’s society. Everyone is an “expert” at something. It doesn’t matter how little experience they have, everyone is an expert. Therefore if you do not know how to deal with offense, if you do not have an unoffendable heart, your destiny is impossible to obtain in this era.
In order to combat offense, we must first know where exactly offense comes from. So here are three biblical definitions of offense:

1. Offense is the (false) belief that holding a grudge helps you and enacts revenge on the offender.

Right now you might be thinking, “Duh. That’s not new.” No, it isn’t but you still believe it. Well.*

Most of us know that cute Hallmark Bible verse that tells us to, “Love thy neighbor as thyself.” In context, however, it says not only should you not hold a grudge, but also do not seek revenge. That means talk to your mom instead of just letting her see your read receipts for the texts that sent after she made a hurtful comment at Easter dinner.

2. Offense is the surprise brought on by the expectancy that people will not hurt you.

In school, you learned about the four chambers of your physical heart. Your spiritual heart has four as well; the first one being the chamber of expectations. This is where offense takes root.

Some of you reading this are wondering why you are stuck at the same level of influence and success. You want to move forward. You think it’s a brain problem. but really it’s a heart problem. There are even people of lower intelligence that are passing you up because what they lack in head knowledge they make up for in heart knowledge, and that means that they’ve let the chamber of expectations heal and they’ve learned to live unoffendable lives.
People will offend you. It’s inevitable. But being offended is always a choice and other people’s words can bend you out of shape only if you let them. You have to learn how to have an unoffendable heart. Without one, you do not have a successful future. You may get a version of success, but you cannot be fulfilled by relationships you’re constantly living in a grudge against. And you cannot avoid relationships altogether.

One of the biggest sources of offense is that we give people a standard to live up to that they never agreed to. Specifically, Christians, stop trying to give a Christian standard to somebody who is not a Christian! You’re rebuking them and trying to correct their lives before they even know the One who sets them free! If you really want to help, give them a mission and a destiny first. Recruit then rebuke. Just make sure you give them the same grace for sinning that you gave yourself three weeks ago when you screwed up.

3. Offense is the stethoscope for identity disease of the heart.

If there is one thing that Jesus hates, it’s pride. Let me repeat that: Jesus hates pride. Pride generally indicates that there is something fragmented in your identity, where you feel as if you have to compensate for it.

Romans 15:7 tells us to accept one another, but in our pride, we often read it as accept the ones that are like us. If that were the case Jesus would never have accepted you, but He accepted you broken, drug addicted, rage-filled. He loved you before you had it all together and thank God He loves you even now as you figure it out.

Pride stops you from submitting not only to God but to the authority He would place in your life. The definition of submission to authority is giving your leader permission to fail in front of you, because if you only submit to a perfect person, then as soon as they reveal their humanity, you don’t give them the same grace to be human that you give yourself. Living offended will rob you being submitted to the place you should be and the leadership you need. And you can toss it back to God, but it’s really convenient that God rarely tells you to do the thing that you don’t want to do or go to places that you don’t want to go.
The long and short of it is that living offended will rob you of the destiny that God has for you. Offense will make you a fool by God’s standard. He is the only one that can heal your offendable heart and piece your fragmented identity back together.

NEW YEAR,
NEW YOU

This free ebook resource, “New Year, New Me” will take you from chaos to clarity.

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