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Marriage

Help! My Family is Toxic!

By | Marriage, Relationships | No Comments

Toxic family relationships are painful, but with God’s help, you can find healing and break negative cycles for future generations. This blog will use biblical principles to explore how to identify and deal with toxicity in our families and ancestry.

Defining Family Toxicity

What makes a family toxic? Toxic family dynamics often include:

  • Lack of love, care, or emotional support
  • Abuse (physical, verbal, emotional, sexual, neglect)
  • Addictions and substance abuse
  • Enabling or codependency
  • Manipulation, control, authoritarianism
  • Intergenerational trauma and wounds

In toxic families, the needs of members are not getting met. There is dysfunction, pain, and brokenness impacting relationships. Members may feel deeply insecure, fearful, angry, depressed, anxious, or isolated.

Toxicity can manifest in many ways, but common effects include low self-worth, difficulty with trust and intimacy, poor communication and boundaries, unresolved grief, and dysfunctional coping mechanisms.

Biblical Examples of Family Toxicity

Family toxicity has existed for generations. Even biblical heroes experienced it.

David’s Childhood Rejection: As a boy, David was rejected by his father Jesse, who didn’t even think to include David when the prophet Samuel visited (1 Samuel 16:1-13). David’s brothers looked down on him too. This planted deep seeds of rejection in David’s heart.

David’s Adulthood Trauma: As an adult, David faced many more relational wounds. His mentor Saul turned on him (1 Samuel 19:8-10). His friend Jonathan, Saul’s son, died in battle after making a covenant with David (1 Samuel 20:12-17, 31-34). Repeated rejection and loss left David scarred, turning him wary and isolated.

David’s Unresolved Issues Passed Down: David never properly grieved relational betrayals and wounds from his youth and kingship. Instead, he led as a hardened warrior who didn’t ask God or men for help. These unresolved issues got passed down, contributing to his son Absalom’s later rebellion (2 Samuel 15).

Overcoming Family Toxicity

If you grew up with a toxic family legacy like David’s, how do you break free and chart a new course? Here are some suggestions:

Acknowledge the Toxicity: First, acknowledge toxicity in your family story. Avoidance and denial only breed more dysfunction. Admitting reality is painful but necessary.

Identify Your Wounds: Ask God to help you identify the roots of rejection, grief, and betrayal from childhood. Toxic parents often grew up with wounds that malformed them. Have compassion but still acknowledge the harm done.

Feel and Process the Hurt: Bravely feel the depth of your wounds without self-pity. Rage, cry, journal, and talk to God. Submit to grief behind anger. Get counseling if needed. Support groups can help too.

Ask God to Reveal Himself: Pray, “Where were you, God. when this happened?” Let Him speak truth and bring perspective to each painful memory.

Forgive: Forgiveness is a process, but work towards forgiving those who wounded you. Not condoning their actions, but releasing them from your judgment to God.

Take Communion: Frequent communion can bring healing. Christ’s presence in the bread and wine ministers to places of rejection and grief. Sit quietly before God after taking elements.

Counseling and Therapy: Get Christian counseling and therapy to detox emotional wounds. Find therapists who understand the spiritual components of inner healing.

Break Generational Cycles: Commit to not passing toxicity on to your spouse, kids, and others. Model vulnerability, love, grace, truth, and spiritual health for them.

Redefine Family: If your family of origin stays enmeshed in toxicity, you may need to keep your distance. Make your faith community and other life-giving people your “chosen family.”

Walk in Freedom: Toxicity tries to attach labels like “damaged goods.” But in Christ, you are a new creation with a redeemed ancestry. You are defined by God’s love, not your wounds.

The journey of overcoming family toxicity is not easy, but God wants to heal and free you. Seek help, cling to Jesus, and patiently nurture spiritual health. Then your family tree can bloom new fruit.

Hope for the Future

Does toxicity feel inevitable for the generations that follow you? It doesn’t have to be. With God’s help, you can stop the cycle for your descendants.

Model Health: First and most importantly, model relational, emotional, mental, and spiritual health for your kids. Live authentically so they see holiness, not hypocrisy.

Teach Discernment: Help children discern toxic behaviors without shame. Don’t force them to tolerate abuse. Give language to describe good vs bad treatment.

Make Time for Each Child: Give kids your focused time and full presence. Listen well. Don’t compare or play favorites. Provide affection.

Cultivate Openness: Encourage questions, feelings, and respectful dissent from children. Make home safe for hard conversations, not authoritarian.

Deal with Your Own Issues: Confront your biases, wounds, and generational sins before they infect kids. Own and address your stuff.

Forgive Quickly: Let go of petty disagreements. Apologize and restore connection quickly after conflicts.

Have Fun Together: Make joyful memories together as a family. Play, laugh, adventure, dream, imagine! Don’t take yourself too seriously.

Point to Jesus: Tell kids about God’s love and Christ’s sacrifice for them. Pray and do devotions together. Disciple them in faith.

Though you can’t control the choices others make, you can commit to rising above toxicity, change destiny for your bloodline, and become a cycle breaker. Your family’s future can be healthier and brighter than its past.


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V1 Marriage Conference

Change Your Marriage at V1 Church Marriage Conference

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It’s time for one of the most life-changing events of the year, V1 Church’s Marriage Conference!  Every year we hear testimonies from countless couples of how God met them at our marriage conference and brought their marriages back to life.  

Marriage is a profound symbol of Christ’s love for the church. The enemy of our soul loves to destroy and separate that which God has brought together. Marriages everywhere are on the brink of divorce, and within the church, it’s no different.  The battle is even more intense.  

Woman and man datingTheir Marriage Was On the Brink, And God Saved It

Pastors Mike and Julie Signorelli understand the enemy’s war against marriages.  Several years ago, their marriage seemed irreparably damaged and was practically over until the Lord miraculously restored it.  Through a combination of spiritual transformation and learning practical relationship skills, they have rebuilt their marriage.  They understand the supernatural battle that wages against marriages and the unique challenges of men and women within a marriage.  And they have a passionate desire to see restoration in marriages within the family of God.  

 

Attend The Conference From Anywhere

This year’s conference will take place on Friday, February 17 at 7 pm EST.   The conference will be held in person at The Space At Westbury in Westbury, New York.  It will be simulcast to V1 Church’s campus in Portage, Indiana.  And those who cannot attend in person in New York or Indiana can join the conference online from anywhere in the world.  It is completely free to attend, however, we do expect that it will be at capacity, so we ask that you register to reserve your spot.  

Special Guests Vlad and Lana Savchuk

At the marriage conference, V1 Worship will lead attendees in powerful praise and worship that prepares your heart for God to work.  Pastors Mike and Julie will teach from their own experience and wealth of Biblical knowledge on marriage.  They have also invited Pastors Vladimir and Lana Savchuk as special guest speakers.  Pastor Vlad leads the HungryGen movement out of Tri-Cities, Washington, and pastors a large, multi-cultural church there.  He is one of the most anointed teachers of the Word alive right now, and he will preach a session of the marriage conference.  

V1 Marriage ConferenceNo Topic Is Off Limits

Along with teaching, the Savchuks and Signorellis will hold a panel discussion where they share valuable insights and practical advice on some of the most critical issues facing marriages.  This conference is not a place where we shy away from the difficult questions or sensitive topics; rather, you’ll hear relevant, timely, and prophetic teaching regarding your marriage. . Whether you are struggling with communication, dealing with difficult in-laws, or trying to navigate the challenges of raising children, V1 Marriage conference will offer valuable guidance and support.

Say I Do, Again

We always make time for ministry and allow the Holy Spirit to identify and heal the wounded places in marriages.  And at the end of the night, we will hold a vow renewal ceremony for all couples that would like to reaffirm their commitment to one another in the presence of God.  

Step Away To Reconnect

V1 Marriage Conference is a great way to strengthen your relationship with your spouse and deepen your faith. It is a safe and supportive environment for couples to learn and grow together, both as individuals and as partners.  Take a break from the stresses and demands of everyday life and focus on your relationship at this special event. This is an opportunity to step away from the hustle and bustle of everyday life and remember why you got married in the first place.  Whether you are looking to reconnect with your spouse or simply need some time to reflect and recharge, our marriage conference is your opportunity to do that.  

Create A Moment That Heals A Memory

V1 Marriage Conference is a great way to strengthen your relationship with your spouse, deepen your faith, and connect with other couples who are working to strengthen their relationships. Whether you are a newlywed or a couple celebrating your 50th anniversary, you can benefit from the wisdom and guidance offered and experience true healing and enrichment of your marriage.  Create a moment that heals a memory at the V1 Church 2023 Marriage Conference! 

✍️ Register for the Conference Here

From Last Year’s Conference:

📺. 5 Lies You Probably Believe About Sex

📺 Our Marriage Was Falling Apart, Then We Did This

—————————————————————————-

My Breakthrough Community is full of people just like you who are hungry for more of God. If you are interested in learning more, consider becoming a part of the Breakthrough Community!

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Has Church Become Just a Show? A Conversation with Isaiah Saldivar

| Gifts of the Spirit, Healing, Miracles, Tough Questions | No Comments
Recently, I had the privilege of sitting down with my good friend Isaiah Saldivar to discuss a topic that has been weighing heavily on my heart - the lack of…

Spiritual Covering or Cult?

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What does it mean to be "under someone's covering?" This phrase is often used in Christian circles, but its true meaning is frequently misunderstood. I aim to clarify this topic…

Confronting Jezebel: A Prophetic Call for Discernment

| Prayer, The Prophetic | No Comments
The recent situation involving Pastor Mark Driscoll's rebuke at a men's conference hosted by John Lindell's church has sent shockwaves through the body of Christ. In an unexpected turn of…

Urgent Prophetic Word: A Call To Fervent Prayer

| Prayer, The Prophetic | No Comments
As I sat down to record another broadcast, the Holy Spirit stirred something deep within me with an overwhelming sense of urgency. I had to drop everything and go live…

APPAREL THAT MAKES A STATEMENT

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When Will God Send My Spouse?

By | Marriage, Relationships, Singleness, Tough Questions | No Comments

Further Resources

📝 Bible Verses About Marriage

📺 What Are Soul Ties And How Do I Get Free?


My Breakthrough Community is full of people just like you who are hungry for more of God. If you are interested in learning more, consider becoming a part of the Breakthrough Community!

Request prayer here.

ACTIVATE YOUR PROPHETIC GIFT

Download our FREE 35-day devotional to learn to hear God’s voice and communicate it clearly.

DOWNLOAD NOW

PARTNER WITH US & SUPPORT MIKE SIGNORELLI MINISTRIES

Your generosity helps others experience breakthrough.

Give a one-time gift, or set up recurring giving.

Has Church Become Just a Show? A Conversation with Isaiah Saldivar

| Gifts of the Spirit, Healing, Miracles, Tough Questions | No Comments
Recently, I had the privilege of sitting down with my good friend Isaiah Saldivar to discuss a topic that has been weighing heavily on my heart - the lack of…

Spiritual Covering or Cult?

| Leadership | No Comments
What does it mean to be "under someone's covering?" This phrase is often used in Christian circles, but its true meaning is frequently misunderstood. I aim to clarify this topic…

Confronting Jezebel: A Prophetic Call for Discernment

| Prayer, The Prophetic | No Comments
The recent situation involving Pastor Mark Driscoll's rebuke at a men's conference hosted by John Lindell's church has sent shockwaves through the body of Christ. In an unexpected turn of…

Urgent Prophetic Word: A Call To Fervent Prayer

| Prayer, The Prophetic | No Comments
As I sat down to record another broadcast, the Holy Spirit stirred something deep within me with an overwhelming sense of urgency. I had to drop everything and go live…

APPAREL THAT MAKES A STATEMENT

Shop the store

Revivalist sweatshirt
He So Loved the World Long Sleeve T-Shirt
We are the wild ones long sleeve tee
married couple holding hands

Sex and Marriage Questions

By | Marriage, Relationships, Tough Questions | No Comments
married couple holding handsThis is a roundup of some of the most common questions on sex and marriage that we hear.  We’ve also linked some of our best marriage and sex teachings so that you can go back and listen to them.

Q: I’m not attracted to my spouse anymore.  How do I fall back in love with him or her?

A:  Chemistry is a chemical reaction in your brain that makes you fall in love.  It’s that feeling that you have where you can’t get enough of the person you love.  Compatibility is a whole different thing!  You need compatibility to go the distance in marriage.  And chemistry is automatic but compatibility takes work.  

We often counsel couples who are on the verge of divorce and want to end their marriage.  One of the things we’ll say is, “Let’s go back to the beginning – the memory where you knew they were the one.”  You knew something.  You felt something.  You were convinced that he or she was the one.  We urge couples to put their compatibility struggles out of their minds and remember the chemistry.  If you can’t see a future right now, go back to the beginning.  What made you fall in love?   

Check out this video for three ways to fix marriage and restore your chemistry and compatibility:

 

Q:  I’ve been married to my spouse for a while but I still think about a prior boyfriend/girlfriend.  How do I get free from these thoughts?  

If you are married but still thinking about another person you had a relationship with, you have an ungodly soul tie.  A soul tie is when your mind (intellect), will, and emotions become knit together with another person.  God has created soul ties for good, so that husbands and wives, family members, and close friends can form secure connections with one another.  

But whatever God creates, Satan counterfeits.  Soul ties can take something God created that is necessary and pervert it into something designed to keep you in bondage.  If you keep accepting a counterfeit, there’s no room for God to replace it with the real thing.  

God wants you relationship with your spouse to be the strongest earthly connection you have – He wants covenant relationships for you.  The scissors for cutting your soul ties are in your hands.  The scissors are the signs that the relationship is unhealthy and ungodly.   

In this video I give you a few steps for cutting ungodly soul ties: 

Q:  I’m still waiting for an apology from my spouse for something they did that really hurt me.  I know I’m not supposed to hold a grudge, but what do I do?

A:  You don’t have to wait for an apology in order to forgive your spouse.  But it’s your choice.  

Ephesians 4:32 says, “Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.”   Kindness and compassion can dismantle and disarm in a way you never have before.   Forgiveness doesn’t have to wait until an apology is offered.  Christians can forgive when nobody says they are sorry.  That’s so liberating because that means you can be free even if the offending party never offers an apology!  But you choose!  

For more on forgiveness and how to rescue your relationships, check out this video: 

Q:  Things have gotten pretty dull in our marriage, intimacy-wise.  Can I bring pornography into my marriage?

A: Often times one of the spouses says, “Let’s spice things up, let’s take things to another level,” and introduces pornography into the marriage. I have done so many counseling sessions where couples have sat across from me in the privacy of my office and said pornography has decimated and absolutely destroyed their marriage.

Hebrews 13:4 says, “Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous.”

When you are in the loving covenant of marriage, the Bible says that the marriage bed should be undefiled, which means sex between a husband and a wife is never a cause for shame.  It should be honored, cherished, and enjoyed as the gift that it is from God.  However, wherever there is God’s designed pleasure, there is a carnal or demonic perversion of that pleasure. 

So let’s talk about pornography within marriage.  Under no circumstance can you ever bring pornography into your marriage, let alone your entire life.  There is never an appropriate context or place for pornography. Why? Because pornography is the digital version of the physical act. 

Pornography is digital fornication if you’re single, and it’s digital adultery if you’re married.   Why?  Because by Jesus’ standard, he said if you’ve even thought it and conceived it in your heart, it’s the same as doing it.  People will say watching pornography is healthy and normal , that everybody does it.  They will even go to the extent of saying that pornography helps with your libido. But I will tell you that it destroys your ability for intimacy.  Sex is more than the mechanics, it’s more than the motion. The greatest sex organ that you have is not between your legs, it’s between your ears – it’s your brain! Once your brain is affected and infected by pornography, you will experience sexual problems.  

Colossians 3:5

Put to death therefore what is earthly in you: sexual immorality, impurity, passion, evil desire, and covetousness, which is idolatry.

Pornography is lust, it is definitely not love and it is definitely not covenantal marriage.  Marriage cannot and will not ever satisfy lust because lust cannot be satisfied.  Now hear this – sexual desire is not always lust. As a matter of fact, you were designed to partly be a sexual creation.  God gave you the gift of your sexuality.  So having sexual desires in and of themselves is not wrong. As a matter of fact, those desires point to your design. God designed you to have both pleasure and procreation within marriage, but when you take those desires and you begin to fulfill them through lust, lust will never be fulfilled. You cannot satisfy lust with marriage, pornography, or masturbation.  Lust cannot be satisfied, it only increases.  

For more information on this, check out this video:  

 

Q: Is it ok for my spouse and me to introduce sex toys into our times of intimacy?

A:  Honestly, I can’t tell you what the Bible says about sex toys, because the Bible was written before electricity. But, the Bible can give us principles and insight into what God views as acceptable in marriage. 

The greatest sex organ that you have is not between your legs, it’s between your ears – your brain.  If you use sex toys in your marriage and there becomes a reliance on the sex toy more than there is on your partner, then you have to ask yourself a question:  “Are we growing in intimacy together or are we bringing in a dependency?” 

There are some people that cannot be sexually satisfied by their partner because they have spent years and years and years being sexually satisfied by a machine or through a screen. They have wired their brain and have practiced and rehearsed sexual satisfaction with something else other than their spouse, so when it comes time to have intimacy with their spouse, they cannot find sexual satisfaction with their mate.  

You really have to ask yourself, “Am I growing in intimacy with my spouse?”  Or are you bringing a level of independence into your marriage and missing out on the fulness of growing in intimacy with your spouse?

To hear more about this topic, check out this blog.


Interested in reading more about marriage from Pastor Mike?  Check out these blogs:

My Breakthrough Community is full of people just like you who are hungry for more of God. If you are interested in learning more, consider becoming a part of the Breakthrough Community!

Request prayer here.

ACTIVATE YOUR PROPHETIC GIFT

Download our FREE 35-day devotional to learn to hear God’s voice and communicate it clearly.

DOWNLOAD NOW

PARTNER WITH US & SUPPORT MIKE SIGNORELLI MINISTRIES

Your generosity helps others experience breakthrough.

Give a one-time gift, or set up recurring giving.

APPAREL THAT MAKES A STATEMENT

Shop the store

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