Singleness

How do you know you’re dating the wrong person?  It is often said that the most important decision that you will make in life is to follow Jesus, but the second most important decision you will make is who you will marry.  The person that you choose to join your life to in a covenant marriage relationship can determine the success or failure of every area of your life.  So before you walk down the aisle and make a life-long commitment to God before your friends and family, it’s time to honestly evaluate the person you’re dating.  Here are four signs that you’re dating the wrong person.  

1. They bring the worst out of you.

If they make you angrier than you’ve ever been, if they make you lazy, if you’ve gained weight and you are physically unhealthier since dating them and you were in a better condition before you met, here is your sign. Proverbs 27:17 says,” As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another.”  A good partner in life will compel you to be a better version of yourself.  The only way to do that is to be accountable to each other.  

If your relationship brings the worst out of you instead of bringing the best out of you, that’s a huge red flag.  Sometimes we can be in toxic relationships for so long that we begin to think that toxicity is normal.  It’s not normal to be in a relationship that brings the worst out of you.  

2. Your family and friends don’t approve.  

Is it possible that instead of your friends and family being wrong about your partner, they actually might be right? I know sometimes they can miss the mark with their opinions on people you date, but generally speaking, your friends and your family love you and want the best for you.  If your friends and family all unanimously agree that you’re not with the right person, could it be that they’re right?

Many times people say the opposite of this: “Well, you know, our friends and family don’t get it. They don’t understand our love.”  But what if they can see what you don’t see?  Take heed.  

3. The person increases your stress instead of reducing it.  

The Bible talks about how Eve was a helpmate to Adam.  When Adam said, “I can’t bear the weight of being alone anymore and doing the assignment that God gave me here in the Garden,” God said, “I will give you Eve, a helpmate to you.”

If you are in a relationship with a person who is causes you to constantly worry, who raises your anxiety levels, or who causes you to decrease or diminish your view of yourself, they are not the right person for you.  God will bring a person to you that will be your helpmate.

4. They take you away from God instead of bringing you closer to Him.  

God is your maker, the one who has given you purpose and destiny.  So any relationship that takes you away from God is a major red flag.  If you find yourself not wanting to go to church, not wanting to read the Bible, and not wanting to pray because of the sinful things that you’re doing with them (hello!), you’re with the wrong person.

The person God has for you should call you up to higher levels.  Their integrity should be convicting.  Their love for God should provoke you to love Him more.  That’s how you know you have a godly relationship.

Life is hard.  In one season, one partner will be strong while the other experiences hardship, and in the next season, that partner will falter while the other partner is strong.  So if you’re in a dating relationship and the person can’t be strong for you now, when it’s easy, how are they going to be when life gets harder?  What will life be like when there are kids in the mix, when you experience health challenges, or when your finances pose challenges?  Will you feel supported and upheld, or like you’re being dragged down?

The female eagle ascends to a high place and then drops a log that is the same weight and size as her to see if the male eagle can swoop down and catch that log.  If the male eagle can carry it back up to the high place, she chooses him as her mate.  We have to be like an eagle.  If you’re not married yet, and the person can’t carry you in this season and hasn’t proven they can take you to higher places, why are you wasting your time?  

Don’t take the decision to date someone lightly.  Take a moment and evaluate your partner and see if you can find these red flags.  If they bring the worst out of you, if your family and friends don’t approve, if they increase your stress instead of reducing it, or if they take you further from God instead of closer, you’re at a decision point.  Make the difficult choice to part ways so that God can bring a godly partner into your life.