Singleness

As a father of two daughters and a pastor who’s counseled countless couples, I’ve watched an entire generation struggle with relationships in ways that break my heart. Recently, I sat down with my daughter Bella to address the dating questions plaguing Gen Z, and what came out of our conversation might make you uncomfortable. Good. Sometimes the truth stings before it sets you free.

I’ve been married for over two decades, and I’ve seen enough broken relationships to know that today’s dating culture is producing more wounds than weddings. From ghosting to situationships, this generation faces unique challenges that require both spiritual discernment and practical biblical dating advice to navigate successfully.

What I’m about to share with you isn’t popular relationship advice—it’s hard-won wisdom that could save you years of heartbreak and position you for the kind of love that actually lasts.

When I Actually Recommend Ghosting (Yes, Really)

Let me start with something controversial: there is an appropriate time for ghosting. I know that sounds harsh coming from a pastor, but hear me out.

Sometimes you start building a relationship with someone, and you realize they’re toxic. When you’re dealing with people who are mentally and emotionally disturbed, ghosting becomes necessary because they’re always going to have a counterpoint for whatever point you bring up. There’s simply no right way to end communication with someone who refuses healthy boundaries.

But here’s the crucial principle I taught my daughter: “Relationships are like car crashes. The faster you go, the more damage is done.”

If you ghost somebody after surface-level texting, there are fewer consequences than getting deep into emotional intimacy and then disappearing. Too many Christians think it’s no big deal to ghost someone because “we never did anything physical,” not realizing that emotional intimacy has just as powerful implications as physical intimacy.

This is why I tell young people to take it slow. Don’t rush into deep emotional connection until you know someone’s character. Biblical dating advice starts with protecting your heart while you’re still gathering information.

Setting Digital Boundaries That Honor God

My daughter and I didn’t face these pressures when her mother and I were dating, but today’s couples deal with expectations of constant communication that can quickly become unhealthy. The solution lies in proactive boundary setting, and I’ve learned this from watching too many relationships crumble under digital pressure.

Here’s what I told Bella: “I start my mornings with God and I don’t even grab my phone.” If I were dating today, I’d communicate upfront: “I’m not going to text you good morning every morning because I’m with God in the morning. If I don’t text you, it’s because I’m busy, and I want to let you know ahead of time.”

This approach transforms expectations into bonuses rather than obligations. I believe clear boundaries on the front end make any relationship stronger. When you tell someone, “I don’t think we should be texting all day and night—I want quality versus quantity,” you’re setting yourself up for success.

The problem with dating in this era is that phones produce quantity of interactions while reducing their quality. People build relationships that feel deep but aren’t actually deep. That’s why I’m analog old school, and I think your generation needs this approach more than ever.

How I Taught My Daughter to Avoid Dating from Insecurity

When Bella asked me how to avoid dating from insecurity, I had to give her some hard truths. If you can’t be attracted to a healthy person, you’re not healthy. This principle has guided my counseling for years, and it cuts straight to the heart of why so many Christian relationships fail.

Let me give you three ways to know if you’re dating from insecurity:

1. You’re Seeking Healing Through Relationships

Some people think a relationship will heal them, but all a relationship does is expose your lack of healing. If you’re not making progress mentally and emotionally without somebody else, you’re not going to make progress with them—you’re actually going to regress.

The biblical model shows us that God plus you equals readiness for the third person. Remember Adam’s story: he had God and meaningful work, but still felt incomplete without Eve. However, it was a threefold cord—God and Adam first, then Eve. You plus God equals becoming ready for them.

2. You’re Attracted to Unhealthy Patterns

A lot of women are attracted to bad boys because deep inside they’re looking for someone to fulfill a fantasy they got from their screen, not from Scripture. The question becomes: did you get a vision from Scripture or a fantasy from a screen?

When you get healthy through your relationship with God, you’ll be attracted to somebody who’s healthy. Many women tell me, “I always choose the wrong guys,” and my response is always the same: “Yes, because you need to become healthy first.”

3. You Settle Due to Fear

The third indicator involves settling for what you know isn’t God’s best. This could be insecurity about your age, thinking “they’re the only one” or “it makes the most sense,” so you settle for two out of three things you’re looking for.

What this shows isn’t just insecurity in yourself; it’s insecurity in God. You don’t trust that God will cause the right person to pursue you. I tell people they need to go back to God and say, “This is what You promised me, and I’m not settling because I’m not insecure in what You told me.”

Why Situationships Make Me Want to Fight Someone

As a dad to two girls, when Bella explained situationships to me, my immediate response was: “I never would want one of my precious daughters to be some other man’s situation.” As a matter of fact, it makes me want to fight somebody live on camera right now.

Men don’t make situations—they make covenants and commitments. The problem with situationships is that you don’t test drive a girl like a car. This isn’t how you respect a woman.

Here’s what I told my daughter about this gambling mentality: “If you have a plan B, you will always take it.” Situationships are like betting on horses, putting money on three horses at once to see which one wins. That’s how you treat horses, not humans. You don’t bet on six girls at the same time and see which one wins the possibility of relationship.

The Biblical Alternative: Courtship

Courtship is the righteous way of doing what situationships attempt. It means singular focus on one person while getting to know them without obligation. Here’s how it works:

• Take her out in group settings for accountability
• Get to know each other in public spaces
• Focus exclusively on one person at a time
• Maintain clear intentions and boundaries

I use this analogy: relationships are like two pieces of paper glued together—the only way to separate them is to rip them both. But courtship is like a paper clip where you can just take it off and both go their separate ways without damage.

Group Dating Reveals Everything You Need to Know

One of the healthiest ways to determine compatibility is through group dating, and let me tell you why: How he treats you in front of other people is how he’s going to eventually treat you alone.

If he’s dissing you in front of others, he’s going to really diss you when you’re alone. But if he’s lifting you up and singling you out—”This is my girl, I’m opening the door for her”—that gives you an indicator of the relationship dynamic.

I’ve observed young people who are starved for attention. They don’t just want their dating partner’s attention; they need everyone else’s attention too. If you date in a group dynamic and realize he needs everybody’s attention, watch out—privately, he’s still going to need your attention plus others. That’s called infidelity.

Finding God’s Will Isn’t About Finding “The One”

Here’s the final piece of biblical dating advice that could revolutionize your perspective: Instead of hoping someone is “the right one,” ask whether you’ve become the right one for them.

Faith is the evidence of things hoped for and the substance of things not seen. Rather than seeking certainty about whether someone is “the one,” I have faith in what God does through me and through my wife as we become the right people for each other in every season.

I’ve had to marry 19 versions of my wife so far because every year she becomes someone new. The girl I met when she was 19 is completely different from the woman she is today after 21 years together. People who think “we are becoming soulmates” rather than “they are my soulmate” stay married. Those constantly questioning whether they’ve found “the one” keep searching and never find satisfaction.

Moving Forward with Wisdom That Works

This biblical dating advice challenges you to abandon cultural norms that lead to confusion and heartbreak. It calls for a return to principles that honor God, respect others, and build foundations for lasting covenant relationships.

The path forward requires courage to set boundaries, wisdom to avoid insecurity-driven choices, and faith to trust God’s timing over cultural pressure. As I told my daughter, think about the story you want to tell your grandchildren about how you met—if it’s too raunchy to share, you’re doing it wrong.

Your relationships should reflect God’s character and point others toward His love. When you pursue biblical dating advice with genuine faith, you position yourself not just for romantic fulfillment, but for relationships that glorify God and strengthen His kingdom.

Read my blog “Four Signs You’re Dating the Wrong Person” for more insight on dating relationships.  

Before you find the right person, it’s so important to become the healed, whole version of yourself God intended. That’s why I wrote Inherit Your Freedom—to help you break free from generational curses and emotional baggage that’s holding you back.  Start your freedom journey now: https://linktw.in/QUKhQF