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Singleness

Biblical Dating Advice: What I Told My Daughter About Gen Z Relationships

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As a father of two daughters and a pastor who’s counseled countless couples, I’ve watched an entire generation struggle with relationships in ways that break my heart. Recently, I sat down with my daughter Bella to address the dating questions plaguing Gen Z, and what came out of our conversation might make you uncomfortable. Good. Sometimes the truth stings before it sets you free.

I’ve been married for over two decades, and I’ve seen enough broken relationships to know that today’s dating culture is producing more wounds than weddings. From ghosting to situationships, this generation faces unique challenges that require both spiritual discernment and practical biblical dating advice to navigate successfully.

What I’m about to share with you isn’t popular relationship advice—it’s hard-won wisdom that could save you years of heartbreak and position you for the kind of love that actually lasts.

When I Actually Recommend Ghosting (Yes, Really)

Let me start with something controversial: there is an appropriate time for ghosting. I know that sounds harsh coming from a pastor, but hear me out.

Sometimes you start building a relationship with someone, and you realize they’re toxic. When you’re dealing with people who are mentally and emotionally disturbed, ghosting becomes necessary because they’re always going to have a counterpoint for whatever point you bring up. There’s simply no right way to end communication with someone who refuses healthy boundaries.

But here’s the crucial principle I taught my daughter: “Relationships are like car crashes. The faster you go, the more damage is done.”

If you ghost somebody after surface-level texting, there are fewer consequences than getting deep into emotional intimacy and then disappearing. Too many Christians think it’s no big deal to ghost someone because “we never did anything physical,” not realizing that emotional intimacy has just as powerful implications as physical intimacy.

This is why I tell young people to take it slow. Don’t rush into deep emotional connection until you know someone’s character. Biblical dating advice starts with protecting your heart while you’re still gathering information.

Setting Digital Boundaries That Honor God

My daughter and I didn’t face these pressures when her mother and I were dating, but today’s couples deal with expectations of constant communication that can quickly become unhealthy. The solution lies in proactive boundary setting, and I’ve learned this from watching too many relationships crumble under digital pressure.

Here’s what I told Bella: “I start my mornings with God and I don’t even grab my phone.” If I were dating today, I’d communicate upfront: “I’m not going to text you good morning every morning because I’m with God in the morning. If I don’t text you, it’s because I’m busy, and I want to let you know ahead of time.”

This approach transforms expectations into bonuses rather than obligations. I believe clear boundaries on the front end make any relationship stronger. When you tell someone, “I don’t think we should be texting all day and night—I want quality versus quantity,” you’re setting yourself up for success.

The problem with dating in this era is that phones produce quantity of interactions while reducing their quality. People build relationships that feel deep but aren’t actually deep. That’s why I’m analog old school, and I think your generation needs this approach more than ever.

How I Taught My Daughter to Avoid Dating from Insecurity

When Bella asked me how to avoid dating from insecurity, I had to give her some hard truths. If you can’t be attracted to a healthy person, you’re not healthy. This principle has guided my counseling for years, and it cuts straight to the heart of why so many Christian relationships fail.

Let me give you three ways to know if you’re dating from insecurity:

1. You’re Seeking Healing Through Relationships

Some people think a relationship will heal them, but all a relationship does is expose your lack of healing. If you’re not making progress mentally and emotionally without somebody else, you’re not going to make progress with them—you’re actually going to regress.

The biblical model shows us that God plus you equals readiness for the third person. Remember Adam’s story: he had God and meaningful work, but still felt incomplete without Eve. However, it was a threefold cord—God and Adam first, then Eve. You plus God equals becoming ready for them.

2. You’re Attracted to Unhealthy Patterns

A lot of women are attracted to bad boys because deep inside they’re looking for someone to fulfill a fantasy they got from their screen, not from Scripture. The question becomes: did you get a vision from Scripture or a fantasy from a screen?

When you get healthy through your relationship with God, you’ll be attracted to somebody who’s healthy. Many women tell me, “I always choose the wrong guys,” and my response is always the same: “Yes, because you need to become healthy first.”

3. You Settle Due to Fear

The third indicator involves settling for what you know isn’t God’s best. This could be insecurity about your age, thinking “they’re the only one” or “it makes the most sense,” so you settle for two out of three things you’re looking for.

What this shows isn’t just insecurity in yourself; it’s insecurity in God. You don’t trust that God will cause the right person to pursue you. I tell people they need to go back to God and say, “This is what You promised me, and I’m not settling because I’m not insecure in what You told me.”

Why Situationships Make Me Want to Fight Someone

As a dad to two girls, when Bella explained situationships to me, my immediate response was: “I never would want one of my precious daughters to be some other man’s situation.” As a matter of fact, it makes me want to fight somebody live on camera right now.

Men don’t make situations—they make covenants and commitments. The problem with situationships is that you don’t test drive a girl like a car. This isn’t how you respect a woman.

Here’s what I told my daughter about this gambling mentality: “If you have a plan B, you will always take it.” Situationships are like betting on horses, putting money on three horses at once to see which one wins. That’s how you treat horses, not humans. You don’t bet on six girls at the same time and see which one wins the possibility of relationship.

The Biblical Alternative: Courtship

Courtship is the righteous way of doing what situationships attempt. It means singular focus on one person while getting to know them without obligation. Here’s how it works:

  • Take her out in group settings for accountability
  • Get to know each other in public spaces
  • Focus exclusively on one person at a time
  • Maintain clear intentions and boundaries

I use this analogy: relationships are like two pieces of paper glued together—the only way to separate them is to rip them both. But courtship is like a paper clip where you can just take it off and both go their separate ways without damage.

Group Dating Reveals Everything You Need to Know

One of the healthiest ways to determine compatibility is through group dating, and let me tell you why: How he treats you in front of other people is how he’s going to eventually treat you alone.

If he’s dissing you in front of others, he’s going to really diss you when you’re alone. But if he’s lifting you up and singling you out—”This is my girl, I’m opening the door for her”—that gives you an indicator of the relationship dynamic.

I’ve observed young people who are starved for attention. They don’t just want their dating partner’s attention; they need everyone else’s attention too. If you date in a group dynamic and realize he needs everybody’s attention, watch out—privately, he’s still going to need your attention plus others. That’s called infidelity.

Finding God’s Will Isn’t About Finding “The One”

Here’s the final piece of biblical dating advice that could revolutionize your perspective: Instead of hoping someone is “the right one,” ask whether you’ve become the right one for them.

Faith is the evidence of things hoped for and the substance of things not seen. Rather than seeking certainty about whether someone is “the one,” I have faith in what God does through me and through my wife as we become the right people for each other in every season.

I’ve had to marry 19 versions of my wife so far because every year she becomes someone new. The girl I met when she was 19 is completely different from the woman she is today after 21 years together. People who think “we are becoming soulmates” rather than “they are my soulmate” stay married. Those constantly questioning whether they’ve found “the one” keep searching and never find satisfaction.

Moving Forward with Wisdom That Works

This biblical dating advice challenges you to abandon cultural norms that lead to confusion and heartbreak. It calls for a return to principles that honor God, respect others, and build foundations for lasting covenant relationships.

The path forward requires courage to set boundaries, wisdom to avoid insecurity-driven choices, and faith to trust God’s timing over cultural pressure. As I told my daughter, think about the story you want to tell your grandchildren about how you met—if it’s too raunchy to share, you’re doing it wrong.

Your relationships should reflect God’s character and point others toward His love. When you pursue biblical dating advice with genuine faith, you position yourself not just for romantic fulfillment, but for relationships that glorify God and strengthen His kingdom.


Read my blog “Four Signs You’re Dating the Wrong Person” for more insight on dating relationships.  

Before you find the right person, it’s so important to become the healed, whole version of yourself God intended. That’s why I wrote Inherit Your Freedom—to help you break free from generational curses and emotional baggage that’s holding you back.  Start your freedom journey now: https://linktw.in/QUKhQF

Divorce

When to End the Relationship: Biblical Wisdom for Couples

By | Marriage, Relationships, Singleness, Tough Questions | No Comments

I’ve seen firsthand the challenges that couples face in their marriages. My wife Julie and I had an open conversation about relationships, sharing our own experiences and the biblical wisdom we’ve gained over the years. I want to share some key insights from our discussion to help couples navigate the complexities of marriage and understand when to fight for their relationship and when it might be time to let go.

The Power of Shared Stories in Strengthening Relationships

One of the most important things I’ve learned in my marriage is the power of revisiting our origin story. I always encourage couples to go back to where it all started. Why? Because your relationship didn’t begin with problems – it began with love, attraction, and a desire to be together.

I often tell couples, “Go back to your story. Where did it all start? Because it didn’t start that way. It didn’t start wrong.” My wife Julie adds to this, saying, “We’ve learned to laugh about some of the hardest things that we ever went through.”

This practice of reminiscing about your relationship’s beginnings can help you reconnect and remember why you chose each other in the first place. It’s a powerful tool for overcoming current challenges by drawing strength from your shared history.

Navigating Personality Clashes in Marriage

In our own marriage, Julie and I have had to navigate significant personality differences. I’m a go-getter, always working on something, while Julie enjoys quieter, more relaxed activities. We’ve had to learn how to bridge these differences and appreciate each other’s unique qualities.

I remember times when I’ve put on sweatpants and a sweatshirt, ready to just relax, and Julie’s reaction is priceless. She’s like, “Oh my gosh, what did I do to you?” We’ve learned to laugh about these differences and turn them into opportunities for bonding rather than conflict.

The Role of Intimacy in Strengthening Marriages

I believe it’s crucial to address the importance of a healthy sex life in marriage, even though it’s often considered a taboo topic. In my experience counseling couples, I’ve seen how a fulfilling intimate life can solve many marital problems.

I often tell couples, “There’s a lot of things that suddenly disappear in a relationship when you have a good love life.” It’s important to prioritize your intimate relationship and communicate openly about your desires and needs.

To the men out there, I want to emphasize this: if you want your personal sexual satisfaction to increase, focus on increasing hers. Make it about her, find out what she wants, and don’t judge or criticize. This selfless approach can transform your intimate life and, by extension, your entire relationship.

Addressing Gender Roles and Expectations in Modern Marriages

Over the years, Julie and I have experimented with different approaches to gender roles in our marriage. We started with a very modern, egalitarian approach, but we’ve found that shifting towards a more traditional dynamic has actually helped alleviate some tensions in our relationship.

However, I want to emphasize that every couple needs to find the balance that works best for them. The key is to have open discussions about your expectations and roles, and be willing to adjust as needed.

The Importance of External Support and Counseling

I can’t stress enough the value of seeking external support when facing marital challenges. Julie and I have benefited greatly from marriage counseling, and I encourage all couples not to hesitate in seeking professional help.

I often say, “Sometimes you are right, but a prophet in his hometown is without honor.” Sometimes it takes an outside perspective to help you see and address your issues. I caution against relying solely on family members for advice, as they may be biased. Instead, seek guidance from trusted, godly couples or professional counselors who can provide objective insights.

Dealing with In-Law Relationships

In-law relationships can be tricky, and Julie and I have had our fair share of challenges in this area. My advice is to try to win them over with kindness when possible. However, I also recognize that sometimes setting boundaries is necessary.

I tell couples, “You got to go to your spouse and you have to set boundaries and say, ‘You know what? You are not married to your mom. You’re married to me, and we’re going to have to set boundaries.'” It’s crucial to present a united front with your spouse when dealing with in-law issues.

The Power of Forgiveness and Reconciliation

I want to be transparent about the struggles Julie and I have faced in our own marriage. We’ve dealt with issues like anger, trust, and even periods of intense dislike for each other. Julie has shared how there were times when she would feel dread just hearing my car pull into the driveway.

But our story is a testament to the power of forgiveness and the possibility of reconciliation. Even in the darkest times, we held onto a vision of what our marriage could be. It takes work, commitment, and a willingness to forgive, but healing and restoration are possible.

Practical Tips for Strengthening Your Marriage

Based on our experiences and the wisdom we’ve gained, here are some practical tips I offer to couples looking to strengthen their relationships:

1. Regularly revisit your origin story as a couple
2. Find ways to have fun together, even if you have different interests
3. Prioritize your intimate life and communicate openly about it
4. Seek external support and counseling when needed
5. Set appropriate boundaries with in-laws and extended family
6. Practice forgiveness and maintain a vision for reconciliation
7. Address issues of pride and learn to fight a negative spirit with its opposite
8. Be willing to adapt and compromise in your roles within the marriage

Hope for Every Marriage

I want to leave you with a message of hope. Yes, marriage can be difficult, but it is also the most rewarding relationship you can have apart from your relationship with Jesus Christ. Every couple faces challenges, but with the right approach and a commitment to each other, you can build a relationship that not only endures but thrives.

Remember, the grass isn’t greener on the other side – it’s greener where you water it. Invest in your marriage, be willing to work through the tough times, and you’ll reap the rewards of a strong, joyful, and lasting relationship.


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By | Relationships, Singleness, Tough Questions | No Comments

Further Resources

📺 Why God Removes People From Your Life

📖 Bible Reading Plan: Rip Up The List

📝Did I Marry the Right Person?


My Breakthrough Community is full of people just like you who are hungry for more of God. If you are interested in learning more, consider becoming a part of the Breakthrough Community!

Request prayer here.

Meshali Mitchell

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Further Resources

📝 Bible Verses About Marriage

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My Breakthrough Community is full of people just like you who are hungry for more of God. If you are interested in learning more, consider becoming a part of the Breakthrough Community!

Request prayer here.

Meshali Mitchell

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