How to Change People

By February 12, 2020 Relationships

Welcome all of the “control freaks anonymous” to the blog! Haha 

If you’re anything like me, you struggle seeing people you love make the same mistakes over and over. It’s like, “when are you going to finally see everything I’ve been trying to explain to you?!” 

I’ve spent years facing the harsh reality that a prophet in his hometown is without honor. As a preacher and pastor, people send me messages from all over the world recounting stories of breakthrough and freedom as they listen to a sermon, or received prayer during an event. It’s very easy to hear these stories and assume that I have the power to change people. 

It’s even easier to get upset when all of my efforts to change the people closest to me fail. 

Why did they not listen? 

When are they finally going to see it? 

How do I stop them from making bad decisions?

These are the questions that plague our souls while in a relationship. Whether you’re a husband, wife, girlfriend, boyfriend, brother, sister, friend….whatever….you are going to feel this way sooner or later. 

We need to have HEALTHY relationships, marriages, and friendships. And this isn’t just cutting out the UNHEALTHY people, or desperately trying to change them—but something else entirely. 

You have a responsibility to practice radical sacrifice, and to exchange disunity for unity. Sometimes, you must sacrifice your pride to have crucial conversations, saying things in love with the purpose of reconciliation.

(See Galatians 5:19-26, 2 Kings 6:15-17, Galatians 6:7-8, Matthew 5:23-24)

You get HIS provision, protection, and peace when you fight a battle in HIS strength.

How do you fight for unity, instead of fighting to “change them”? You fight the spirit of disunity with its opposite.

  1. Unity against division
  2. Empathy for contentment
  3. Vulnerability for isolation
  4. Encouragement for gossip
  5. Prayer for angry opinions

Put your energy into fighting the RIGHT FIGHT!

We spend our energy fighting AGAINST our relationships, instead of fighting FOR our relationships. We see this all the time in marriage: people spending energy to be right, but not spending energy to be one.

“This is my commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends. You are my friends if you do what I command you. No longer do I call you servants, for the servant does not know what his master is doing; but I have called you friends, for all that I have heard from my Father I have made known to you.’” John 15:12-15 ESV

Here’s the secret: your phone has a front facing camera and a camera on the back. As long as you keep the front facing camera on you, and focus all of your energy into changing what you see mentally, physically, and emotionally for the better, according to God’s will, you can experience the peace of God. You do not have the power to change anyone on earth except YOU. Let your change inspire their change. This is what you can control. Model the behaviors you want to see in others. Be the change you desire in the world. 

If you want to learn more about how to handle haters, watch this message from our new series GHOSTED and subscribe to our youtube channel:


This free ebook resource, “New Year, New Me” will take you from chaos to clarity.

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