Over the course of my ministry, I’ve encountered countless individuals struggling with deep-seated pain stemming from father wounds. Recently, I had the privilege of sitting down with Mattie Montgomery, pastor of The Altar Fellowship in Tennessee, to discuss this critical issue affecting so many in our churches and communities today. Our conversation covered Mattie’s personal journey of loss, redemption, and discovering true identity in Christ – insights I believe will resonate deeply with many of you.
The Impact of Losing a Father at a Young Age
Mattie’s story begins with profound loss. He shared, “At eight years old, burying your father is kind of an indescribable experience.” His father, a college professor who had overcome tremendous odds growing up in poverty, passed away from cancer when Mattie was just a child. This early loss left Mattie grappling with questions no child should have to face:
“My dad’s not going to be here when I go on my first date, when I learned to drive a car, when I apply for colleges, he’s not going to be here when I get married. He’s not going to meet my kids.”
The weight of this reality led Mattie down a path of anger and rebellion in his youth. As he put it, “I had a great excuse to be angry at the world.” This manifested in fighting, trouble at school, and making life difficult for those around him.
Breaking the Cycle: From Grief to Destructive Behavior
Mattie’s experience resonates with my own journey and that of many others I’ve counseled. When father wounds aren’t properly addressed, grief often transitions from a natural season into a destructive cycle. I’ve seen this manifest in various ways:
- Addiction and substance abuse
- Involvement in occult practices seeking connection with lost loved ones
- Self-sabotaging behaviors
- Difficulty maintaining healthy relationships
As I shared with Mattie, “There’s so many people who come to our ministry that got heavily involved in occult practices that were connected to grief. So that’s when they’re like, ‘Oh, I went to the psychic medium because maybe then I could talk to my dad again.'”
The root of these behaviors often traces back to unresolved loss and a desperate search for identity and belonging.
Finding True Identity: The Father’s Heart Revealed
For Mattie, the turning point came during his college years. He described a profound encounter with God that shifted his entire perspective:
“God sort of backed me into this philosophical corner sitting on the steps of my dorm in the summer of 2006. And when I finally set this book down and said, I can’t argue anymore. I can’t run anymore. There’s no way out of this. But to recognize that Jesus is the only answer for me, it was like I’ve explained it before that I said it was waking up in a room full of strangers.”
This moment of surrender opened Mattie’s eyes to the reality of God’s presence and love in a way he had never experienced before. He realized that his identity wasn’t something he had to create or earn – it was a gift freely given by a loving heavenly Father.
Breaking Free from Performance-Based Christianity
One of the most powerful insights Mattie shared was about breaking free from a performance-based approach to faith. He explained:
“So much of what we call deliverance ministry is built on a false premise. The false premise is this: okay, I have Jesus. What else do I need?”
This resonates deeply with my own experience and what I’ve observed in many Christians. We often approach our relationship with God from a place of striving, thinking we need to earn His love or prove our worth. But as Mattie beautifully articulated:
“The truth is, I think so much of what drives deliverance or our pursuit of freedom comes from a fundamental misunderstanding of the ferocity of Jesus. What we experience of Christ is that He’s loving and gentle and patient and kind, but that’s not all He is.”
Understanding the Gospel: You Bring Nothing
This shift in perspective – from striving to receiving – is at the heart of truly understanding the gospel. As I shared during our conversation:
“Paganism is essentially there’s this deity and in order to appease this deity, I’m going to physically do something. So hey, we need rain for our crops. Let’s do a rain dance. I’m going to do something to appease this deity. And by that standard, a lot of Christians are pagans because they don’t understand the gospel is you bring nothing.”
The beautiful truth of the gospel is that we don’t have to perform or achieve to earn God’s love. We simply receive what Christ has already accomplished on our behalf.
Embracing Sonship: From Slaves to Heirs
Mattie highlighted a crucial distinction that many believers struggle to grasp – the difference between operating as a slave versus a son in God’s kingdom:
“The difference between a son and a slave is that a son inherits the house he’s building, but a slave doesn’t. And I think our issue in the church is that like the prodigal, we say, we’re happy just being servants.”
He went on to explain that while both sons and slaves may do similar work, the fundamental difference lies in inheritance. As sons and daughters of God, we’re not just building His kingdom, we’re building our own inheritance.
This truth has profound implications for how we approach our faith and purpose in life. Rather than living from a place of obligation or fear, we can operate from a place of security and belonging as beloved children of God.
Overcoming Father Wounds in Every Season of Life
One of the challenges with father wounds is that they can resurface in different seasons of life. As I shared from my own experience:
“Every season of your life has potential to unlock that father wound in another way because you can use it as an excuse. You could say on your wedding day as you’re walking down the aisle, where’s my dad? Then the birth of your first kid, where’s my dad? Then you plant a church. Where’s my dad?”
The key is recognizing that our Heavenly Father is always present, even when our earthly fathers are absent. Mattie beautifully articulated this truth:
“Coming into that reality changed everything for me, recognizing that I had not just a heavenly father in a sentimental way, but in a practical way. He had been protecting me, providing for me, and teaching me what I needed to know, when I needed to know.”
Living from Victory: The Power of Christ’s Triumph
As our conversation drew to a close, Mattie shared a powerful perspective on walking in the victory Christ has already won for us:
“In Colossians two, it says that Jesus disarmed every principality in power, and he made a public spectacle of them triumphing over them by the cross. And so what I want to pray over you, is that the victory of Jesus would be made manifest in your life. That the power of the cross would become a reality you live in, not just an idea you consider.”
This shift from viewing our Christian walk as a constant battle to living from a place of already secured victory is transformative. It allows us to approach challenges with confidence, knowing that Christ has already overcome them on our behalf.
A Prayer for Healing and Freedom
Mattie concluded our time together with a powerful prayer for those struggling with father wounds and seeking true freedom in Christ. Here’s an excerpt:
“Father, I thank you for the blood of the Lamb that was shed on the cross. I thank you, God for the power for our forever freedom that was released there at the cross. God, I thank you not just for the cross, but I thank you for the life that was given there at the cross for our inheritance, for our deliverance, for our freedom, for our total healing.”
He went on to pray for instantaneous healing from years of trauma, for the manifestation of Christ’s victory in listeners’ lives, and for their lives to become trophies of God’s triumph.
Embracing Your True Identity in Christ
My conversation with Mattie Montgomery offers hope and practical insight for anyone struggling with father wounds or seeking a deeper understanding of their identity in Christ. The key takeaways include:
1. Recognizing how unresolved grief can lead to destructive cycles
2. Understanding that true identity comes from God, not our own efforts
3. Breaking free from performance-based Christianity
4. Embracing our position as sons and daughters, not slaves
5. Living from the victory Christ has already secured
If you’re wrestling with father wounds or questions of identity, I encourage you to meditate on these truths. Allow the reality of God’s love and your position as His beloved child to sink deep into your heart. Remember, you are not defined by your past experiences or family history. You are defined by Christ’s finished work on the cross.
As you journey towards healing and freedom, surround yourself with a supportive community of believers who can speak truth into your life. And most importantly, cultivate a personal relationship with your Heavenly Father through prayer, Scripture, and quiet moments of reflection.
Your true identity and inheritance in Christ are waiting to be fully realized. Step into the freedom and purpose God has for you today.
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When The Issues Is Simply Physical
