Key Takeaways
A better test than "Am I offended?" is "Would I want this person living next door to me in heaven?"
A believer who cannot forgive has usually lost sight of how much God forgave them.
Jesus commands us to pray for those who mistreat us, and that prayer works like physical therapy for a wounded heart.
You can firmly oppose a leader's ideology and still love and pray for the person who holds it.
I had to confess a sin out loud recently. John Bevere was telling me how he once became offended with a sitting president, and halfway through his story I realized he was describing me. When Zohran Mamdani was elected mayor of New York City, he became my enemy. In my heart it had turned into Mike Signorelli versus Mamdani, rather than a fight against the spiritual powers I preach about every week.
Offense rarely announces itself. Most of us would swear we aren't carrying any, because we have learned to call it discernment. Learning how to overcome offense may be one of the most urgent lessons for the church right now.
You overcome offense by choosing to forgive before the other person apologizes, then praying for them on purpose and asking God to give them the same blessings you want for your own life. Forgiveness is a decision you make before God, while reconciliation takes both people. Praying this way, even when it hurts, is how the wound actually heals
What Are the Signs of an Offended Heart?
The clearest sign of an offended heart is that you cannot sincerely wish someone well. Other signs include drawing close to people who share your grievance, avoiding anyone who reminds you of the person who hurt you, and calling your resentment discernment. Offense distorts perception, so the person carrying it is usually the last to notice.
I know athletes who could show you a six-pack and still have 95 percent blockage in an artery. They feel fine, which is exactly why the danger goes unnoticed. Offense works like that blockage, and you can keep serving in church while something inside you is closing off.
John Bevere told me about a woman he had been offended with for years. His wife and family told him he was offended, and he denied it every time. Then the Lord asked him, "Do you want her to live right next door to you in heaven?" His honest answer was no, and that one question exposed what all his denials had covered.
Offense also changes who we trust. While John was wounded by a man who had been a father figure to him, he drew close to people who were offended like he was and resisted the very people who could have helped him. Proverbs 18:1, NKJV describes the pattern: "A man who isolates himself seeks his own desire; he rages against all wise judgment."
Why Can't Some Christians Forgive?
Most believers who struggle to forgive have lost sight of how much God forgave them. Offense strikes at the foundation of the cross, where God paid for our sin while we were still His enemies, and Scripture commands us to forgive others in the same way He forgave us.
John wrote The Bait of Satan 32 years ago. Early in his marriage, he told his wife Lisa he sometimes wished he had lived a terrible life before getting saved so he would love Jesus more. He had been reading Luke 7:36-50, NKJV, where Jesus asks which of two forgiven debtors will love more. The Holy Spirit corrected him on the spot. Because everyone had praised him growing up, nobody had told him how offensive his sin was to God, and if he had broken one law he had broken them all (James 2:10, NKJV).
A person who cannot forgive has forgotten what they have been forgiven of. Jesus tied the two together when He taught us to pray, "And forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors" (Matthew 6:12, NKJV).
How to Overcome Offense by Praying for Those Who Hurt You
Jesus gave a direct instruction for this: pray for those who spitefully use you and persecute you (Matthew 5:44, NKJV). Praying for the person who wounded you, and asking God to give them the good things you want for yourself, is how the heart heals. It hurts at first, the way physical therapy hurts, but daily practice brings real freedom.
John described the difference between a shove and a sledgehammer. Some offenses roll off, while others leave wounds, and a wound that isn't treated doesn't heal. Still wounded by that father figure, he read Acts 24:16, KJV, where Paul says, "herein do I exercise myself, to have always a conscience void of offence toward God, and toward men." The Lord led him to Matthew 5:44, and he began praying a short blessing over the man every day. After five weeks he felt no better.
During a three-day fast he read Psalm 35:11-14, NKJV, where David prays for men who rewarded him evil for good as though they were his own brothers. The Holy Spirit told John to pray for that man everything he wanted God to do in his own life. It hurt the way rehab after a torn ACL hurts, but he kept going a few minutes each day. One morning in prayer he called out the man's name, said, "I love you," and knew he was free.
If you are carrying a wound right now, the process looks like this:
1. Admit the hurt was real, and decide to forgive without waiting for an apology.
2. Pray for the person daily, asking God to do for them what you want Him to do for you.
3. Keep going through the discomfort, because you are praying truth rather than feelings.
4. Watch for love to return, which is the clearest sign the wound is healing.
Can You Love a Leader You Strongly Oppose?
Yes. Scripture tells believers to pray for and give thanks for those in authority (1 Timothy 2:1-2, NKJV), including leaders whose policies we resist. You can oppose an ideology firmly and still love the person who holds it, because Jesus died for that person too. Prayer is what keeps opposition from turning into offense.
That truth caught up with me at our Manhattan campus, where V1 Church led three Muslim men to Christ. A couple of weeks after their water baptism they were baptized in the Holy Spirit, and my wife held the microphone as they prayed in tongues. In the middle of that celebration the Lord asked me, "Why have you not prayed for this to happen to Mayor Mamdani? Why do you not believe?"
I love Israel, and things the mayor and his wife have said angered me on behalf of my Jewish friends. But "we do not wrestle against flesh and blood" (Ephesians 6:12, NKJV), and I had made a man my enemy. I have prayed for him every day since, believing God for an opportunity to share the gospel with him.
John walked this road in the 1990s. Angry about President Clinton, he laughed along with Rush Limbaugh's TV show until he felt sick, and the Lord reminded him of Acts 23:5, NKJV: "You shall not speak evil of a ruler of your people." He began praying for the president. "When he came in, I couldn't stand him," John told me. "When he left, I loved him so deeply." He never voted for him, yet he learned to see him with compassion. Loving a person and approving of their choices are two different things.
Frequently Asked Questions
What is the difference between forgiveness and reconciliation?
Forgiveness is a choice one person makes to release someone from the debt they owe. Reconciliation is the restoring of a relationship, and it takes both people. Jesus forgave from the cross before anyone asked (Luke 23:34, NKJV), yet each of us is reconciled to God only when we repent. You can forgive someone completely while trust is still being rebuilt.
Should I wait for an apology before I forgive someone?
No. When someone told John Bevere they would forgive once the other person apologized, he asked what would have happened if Jesus had waited for that person to apologize before forgiving them. Christ forgave us before we were ever sorry. Choosing to forgive in advance protects your heart, whether or not the other person ever owns what they did.
Freedom Starts With One Name
Jesus warned that in the last days "many will be offended" and "the love of many will grow cold" (Matthew 24:10-12, NKJV). In The Great Dechurching, Jim Davis and Michael Graham estimate that about 40 million American adults have stopped attending church over the past 25 years, and John believes offense sits underneath much of that falling away. He told me, "I don't care who's in office, it's not going to change our nation." A move of God will, and division among believers stands in its way.
Psalm 119:165, KJV says, "Great peace have they which love thy law: and nothing shall offend them." John is convinced that being unoffendable is a choice, and that conviction is why I wrote The Unoffendable Heart. You probably already know whose name you need to start praying over.
If you are ready to walk in that freedom, order my book The Unoffendable Heart.
Related official video
This page is maintained as a written guide. Watch the related official teaching on Mike Signorelli's YouTube channel.
About the Author
Mike Signorelli is the lead pastor of V1 Church, a multi-campus church based in New York City, and the author of The Unoffendable Heart. Through Mike Signorelli Ministries he teaches widely on deliverance and revival. Read more from Pastor Mike
