Stop Living for Their Approval: How to Shake the Dust This Holiday Season
The holidays are approaching, and with them comes an uncomfortable reality: you're about to spend time with people who have already made up their minds about you. Family gatherings, office parties, and obligatory visits bring you face to face with critics, doubters, and what I call "frenemies." But here's a truth that will set you free: if you live for their praises, you'll die by their criticisms.
This isn't about being cold or dismissive. This is about understanding a biblical principle that will protect your peace and preserve your purpose. Some people are committed to misunderstanding you, and no amount of explanation, justification, or performance will change that. The sooner you learn to shake the dust, the sooner you can focus on what God has called you to do.
The Biblical Principle of Shaking the Dust
When the apostles went into cities to preach the gospel, they came with signs, miracles, and wonders. They brought the message of salvation with power and compassion. Yet not everyone received them. When faced with rejection, they didn't plead, argue, or chase after approval. They shook the dust off their sandals and kept moving forward.
This principle of shaking the dust appears throughout Scripture. Jesus himself modeled it when He hung on the cross between two criminals. One thief recognized Him as Messiah and received salvation. The other mocked Him. Notice what Jesus didn't do: He didn't turn to the mocker and beg for acceptance. He understood that some people won't receive you no matter what you do. Even God in human form experienced rejection.
The key is learning when to invest and when to move on. Jesus invested in Judas throughout His ministry. He loved him, taught him, and allowed him to be part of the journey, even with foreknowledge of the betrayal. But when Judas made his choice, Jesus didn't chase after him. There's wisdom in understanding the difference between faithful investment and codependent pursuit.
Why Holiday Gatherings Trigger These Dynamics
The holiday season intensifies these relational tensions because it forces proximity with people you may have created healthy distance from throughout the year. You're about to walk into houses where people have opinions about your life, your choices, and your transformation in Christ.
Here's what makes it harder: many of these critics are people who had no problem with your old life. They didn't object when you were living for the world, making destructive choices, or wasting your potential. But now that you've been transformed by Jesus Christ, suddenly you're in a cult. You're brainwashed. You've changed in ways that make them uncomfortable.
The truth is that your presence convicts them. You carry the oil of the Holy Spirit, and when you walk into a room, that anointing exposes what's missing in their lives. Instead of yielding to that conviction and seeking God themselves, they dispense condemnation. They have to pull you down to justify their own spiritual stagnation.
The Codependency Trap: Wanting It More Than They Do
One of the most dangerous patterns you can fall into is wanting freedom for someone more than they want it for themselves. This isn't compassion. It's codependency. Sometimes we even spiritualize it by saying, "God showed me a prophetic word about them" or "I had a dream about their destiny." But who said you're the one responsible for making it happen?
There's a psychological component to this pattern. When someone rejects you, it can trigger an overcompensation where you desperately seek their acceptance. The more they push you away, the more you crave their validation. This creates an unhealthy cycle where their rejection becomes your obsession.
I've been guilty of this myself. I've wanted deliverance for people more than they wanted it for themselves. I've pursued relationships long after the other person checked out. But here's what I've learned: when you're in an airplane emergency, they tell you to put on your own oxygen mask before helping others. Why? Because if you don't secure your own air supply first, you'll pass out before you can help anyone.
Matching Energy: A Biblical Concept
My wife says something that resonates deeply: "I'm going to match your energy." While it might sound modern, this is actually a biblical principle. Jesus invested in Judas during the season of relationship, but He didn't chase him after the betrayal. He matched Judas's energy.
Look at the cross again. Two criminals hung beside Jesus. One reached out for salvation and received it. The other remained hardened. Jesus didn't turn His head and minister to the one who was mocking Him. He understood something crucial: He had already done His part. He was hanging on the cross, dying for humanity's sins. If someone couldn't see Him as Messiah by that point, no amount of additional effort would change their mind.
This isn't about giving up on people. It's about recognizing when you've fulfilled your responsibility and someone else needs to do theirs. You can't want their salvation more than they do. You can't want their healing more than they do. You can't force someone to receive what you carry.
The Filter You Need: Not Everyone's Opinion Matters
Some of the people criticizing you are dealing with undiagnosed mental illness. Some are heavily medicated. Others are spiritually dead and operating in carnal thinking. You have to filter what you're hearing and ask yourself: is this valuable feedback or is this crazy talk?
Here's a revelation that will help you: you're boiling water. When you put an egg in boiling water, it gets hard. When you put a potato in boiling water, it gets soft. The water isn't the problem. The water reveals what something is made of. In other words, your presence causes different reactions in different people. Some will soften and receive what you carry. Others will harden and resist. That says nothing about you.
I've learned this navigating social media. I can't take seriously every comment because many of those people are mentally unwell, addicted to substances, or spiritually compromised. Some people aren't even talking to you. They're manifesting demons that need to speak. You're never going to get through to them because they need deliverance, not a better explanation.
Self-Care Isn't Selfish: It's Survival
If you don't start helping yourself, nobody else is going to help you. If you don't start investing in yourself, nobody else will invest in you. You're constantly helping people, supporting them, and showing up for them, but who's showing up for you?
Let me be vulnerable with you. I struggle with this. As a pastor building multiple church locations, writing books, and ministering constantly, I've found myself 40 or 50 pounds overweight at times. That's always a sign that I'm not taking care of myself. I'm overworked, under-rested, and pouring out without filling up. The physical is connected to the emotional, and high cortisol levels from stress manifest in my body.
I look at footage of myself from those seasons and feel embarrassed because while the message was right, I wasn't walking in authority over my physical health. The inflammation, the weight, the exhaustion. These are warning signs that you're giving to everyone else but neglecting yourself.
Coming into the holidays, you're about to face tables loaded with food you'll use for comfort because you're exhausted. You're going to want that pumpkin pie because you've been holding it together for everyone else. But here's what I want you to understand: that's not sustainable. If you don't take care of yourself now, you're going to end up with medical diagnoses that could have been prevented.
Choosing Your Battles This Holiday Season
You don't have to live triggered. You don't have to engage every criticism or defend every decision. Some battles aren't worth fighting because the people criticizing you have already made up their minds. They're not looking for understanding. They're looking for confirmation of what they already believe.
Here's what you need to do: shake the dust. Walk into those family gatherings knowing that not everyone will celebrate your transformation. Some family members will remind you of your past to justify their current sin. Others will minimize your success to feel better about their failure. Let them.
Your job is not to convince them. Your job is to stay faithful to what God has called you to do. The apostles didn't stop preaching when cities rejected them. They moved on to the next city. Jesus didn't stop being the Messiah when His hometown dismissed Him. He continued His mission.
The Attack of Discouragement Through Loved Ones
One of the biggest spiritual attacks over the next two months will be discouragement through loved ones. The enemy knows that criticism from strangers doesn't hurt like criticism from family. So he'll use the people closest to you to make you question your progress, your calling, and your transformation.
But understand this: a prophet is without honor in his hometown. The people most likely to support you are those who know you the least. The people who know your history are often the ones least able to see your destiny. This is a universal principle. Your own family may never read your book, but strangers will approach you crying because it changed their life.
I have staff members I pay who don't watch my sermons or read my books. Why? Because familiarity breeds dishonor. The more familiar someone becomes with you, the more they feel entitled to diminish what you carry. If you do have family members who encourage your calling and celebrate your transformation, treasure them. They're rare.
Move Forward Without Guilt
Here's your permission: you don't owe everyone an explanation. You don't have to justify your boundaries. You don't have to prove that your transformation is real. The people committed to misunderstanding you will find reasons to criticize no matter what you do.
I've never been hated on by someone doing better than me. Never. The people who attack you are usually dealing with their own failure, and they hide behind intellectualism or theological arguments to mask their jealousy. If they can minimize your success, it justifies their lack of it.
When you become a Christian, you don't become sinless, but you do go on a journey to sin less. Over years of sanctification, you should be sinning less and less. The Bible says a righteous person may fall seven times, but they get back up every time. The determining factor of righteousness isn't perfection. It's perseverance.
Your Action Plan for the Holidays
First, invest in yourself. Get that daily growth journal and commit to reading the Bible every day starting January 1st. Take care of your physical health. Get proper sleep. Set boundaries around your time and energy.
Second, prepare for the spiritual warfare that comes with holiday gatherings. Expect criticism. Expect people to remind you of your past. Expect them to question your transformation. When it happens, shake the dust and keep moving.
Third, remember that conviction in others isn't your responsibility. Your presence may convict people, but what they do with that conviction is between them and God. You can't force someone to respond to God's call on their life.
Fourth, find your real ones. Identify the people in your life who actually celebrate your growth and invest in those relationships. Let the others go with grace.
The Evidence of What God Is Doing
Whatever the enemy tries to say through your family and friends over the next couple of months is actually evidence of what God is doing in your life. The warfare is confirmation that you're on the right path. If your transformation didn't threaten the kingdom of darkness, there would be no resistance.
How you end this year is how you begin the next one. Make the decision now to walk in discipline, to protect your peace, and to shake the dust off relationships that drain you. You are a curse breaker. You're building something first generation. It's going to be harder for you than for those who come after you, but that's precisely why you need to guard your energy so carefully.
Stop living for their approval. Stop dying by their criticism. Put on your oxygen mask first. Match their energy. And for the love of God, shake the dust.
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