Biblical Dating Advice: What I Told My Daughter About Gen Z Relationships
As a father of two daughters and a pastor who's counseled countless couples, I've watched an entire generation struggle with relationships in ways that break my heart. Recently, I sat down with my daughter Bella to address the dating questions plaguing Gen Z, and what came out of our conversation might make you uncomfortable. Good. Sometimes the truth stings before it sets you free.I've been married for over two decades, and I've seen enough broken relationships to know that today's dating culture is producing more wounds than weddings. From ghosting to situationships, this generation faces unique challenges that require both spiritual discernment and practical biblical dating advice to navigate successfully.What I'm about to share with you isn't popular relationship advice—it's hard-won wisdom that could save you years of heartbreak and position you for the kind of love that actually lasts.
When I Actually Recommend Ghosting (Yes, Really)
Let me start with something controversial: there is an appropriate time for ghosting. I know that sounds harsh coming from a pastor, but hear me out.Sometimes you start building a relationship with someone, and you realize they're toxic. When you're dealing with people who are mentally and emotionally disturbed, ghosting becomes necessary because they're always going to have a counterpoint for whatever point you bring up. There's simply no right way to end communication with someone who refuses healthy boundaries.But here's the crucial principle I taught my daughter: "Relationships are like car crashes. The faster you go, the more damage is done."If you ghost somebody after surface-level texting, there are fewer consequences than getting deep into emotional intimacy and then disappearing. Too many Christians think it's no big deal to ghost someone because "we never did anything physical," not realizing that emotional intimacy has just as powerful implications as physical intimacy.This is why I tell young people to take it slow. Don't rush into deep emotional connection until you know someone's character. Biblical dating advice starts with protecting your heart while you're still gathering information.
Setting Digital Boundaries That Honor God
My daughter and I didn't face these pressures when her mother and I were dating, but today's couples deal with expectations of constant communication that can quickly become unhealthy. The solution lies in proactive boundary setting, and I've learned this from watching too many relationships crumble under digital pressure.Here's what I told Bella: "I start my mornings with God and I don't even grab my phone." If I were dating today, I'd communicate upfront: "I'm not going to text you good morning every morning because I'm with God in the morning. If I don't text you, it's because I'm busy, and I want to let you know ahead of time."This approach transforms expectations into bonuses rather than obligations. I believe clear boundaries on the front end make any relationship stronger. When you tell someone, "I don't think we should be texting all day and night—I want quality versus quantity," you're setting yourself up for success.The problem with dating in this era is that phones produce quantity of interactions while reducing their quality. People build relationships that feel deep but aren't actually deep. That's why I'm analog old school, and I think your generation needs this approach more than ever.
How I Taught My Daughter to Avoid Dating from Insecurity
When Bella asked me how to avoid dating from insecurity, I had to give her some hard truths. If you can't be attracted to a healthy person, you're not healthy. This principle has guided my counseling for years, and it cuts straight to the heart of why so many Christian relationships fail.Let me give you three ways to know if you're dating from insecurity:
1. You're Seeking Healing Through Relationships
Some people think a relationship will heal them, but all a relationship does is expose your lack of healing. If you're not making progress mentally and emotionally without somebody else, you're not going to make progress with them—you're actually going to regress.The biblical model shows us that God plus you equals readiness for the third person. Remember Adam's story: he had God and meaningful work, but still felt incomplete without Eve. However, it was a threefold cord—God and Adam first, then Eve. You plus God equals becoming ready for them.
2. You're Attracted to Unhealthy Patterns
A lot of women are attracted to bad boys because deep inside they're looking for someone to fulfill a fantasy they got from their screen, not from Scripture. The question becomes: did you get a vision from Scripture or a fantasy from a screen?When you get healthy through your relationship with God, you'll be attracted to somebody who's healthy. Many women tell me, "I always choose the wrong guys," and my response is always the same: "Yes, because you need to become healthy first."
3. You Settle Due to Fear
The third indicator involves settling for what you know isn't God's best. This could be insecurity about your age, thinking "they're the only one" or "it makes the most sense," so you settle for two out of three things you're looking for.What this shows isn't just insecurity in yourself; it's insecurity in God. You don't trust that God will cause the right person to pursue you. I tell people they need to go back to God and say, "This is what You promised me, and I'm not settling because I'm not insecure in what You told me."
Why Situationships Make Me Want to Fight Someone
As a dad to two girls, when Bella explained situationships to me, my immediate response was: "I never would want one of my precious daughters to be some other man's situation." As a matter of fact, it makes me want to fight somebody live on camera right now.Men don't make situations—they make covenants and commitments. The problem with situationships is that you don't test drive a girl like a car. This isn't how you respect a woman.Here's what I told my daughter about this gambling mentality: "If you have a plan B, you will always take it." Situationships are like betting on horses, putting money on three horses at once to see which one wins. That's how you treat horses, not humans. You don't bet on six girls at the same time and see which one wins the possibility of relationship.
The Biblical Alternative: Courtship
Courtship is the righteous way of doing what situationships attempt. It means singular focus on one person while getting to know them without obligation. Here's how it works:
Take her out in group settings for accountability
Get to know each other in public spaces
Focus exclusively on one person at a time
Maintain clear intentions and boundaries
I use this analogy: relationships are like two pieces of paper glued together—the only way to separate them is to rip them both. But courtship is like a paper clip where you can just take it off and both go their separate ways without damage.
Group Dating Reveals Everything You Need to Know
One of the healthiest ways to determine compatibility is through group dating, and let me tell you why: How he treats you in front of other people is how he's going to eventually treat you alone.If he's dissing you in front of others, he's going to really diss you when you're alone. But if he's lifting you up and singling you out—"This is my girl, I'm opening the door for her"—that gives you an indicator of the relationship dynamic.I've observed young people who are starved for attention. They don't just want their dating partner's attention; they need everyone else's attention too. If you date in a group dynamic and realize he needs everybody's attention, watch out—privately, he's still going to need your attention plus others. That's called infidelity.
Finding God's Will Isn't About Finding "The One"
Here's the final piece of biblical dating advice that could revolutionize your perspective: Instead of hoping someone is "the right one," ask whether you've become the right one for them.Faith is the evidence of things hoped for and the substance of things not seen. Rather than seeking certainty about whether someone is "the one," I have faith in what God does through me and through my wife as we become the right people for each other in every season.I've had to marry 19 versions of my wife so far because every year she becomes someone new. The girl I met when she was 19 is completely different from the woman she is today after 21 years together. People who think "we are becoming soulmates" rather than "they are my soulmate" stay married. Those constantly questioning whether they've found "the one" keep searching and never find satisfaction.
Moving Forward with Wisdom That Works
This biblical dating advice challenges you to abandon cultural norms that lead to confusion and heartbreak. It calls for a return to principles that honor God, respect others, and build foundations for lasting covenant relationships.The path forward requires courage to set boundaries, wisdom to avoid insecurity-driven choices, and faith to trust God's timing over cultural pressure. As I told my daughter, think about the story you want to tell your grandchildren about how you met—if it's too raunchy to share, you're doing it wrong.Your relationships should reflect God's character and point others toward His love. When you pursue biblical dating advice with genuine faith, you position yourself not just for romantic fulfillment, but for relationships that glorify God and strengthen His kingdom.
Read my blog "Four Signs You're Dating the Wrong Person" for more insight on dating relationships.
WATCH-PAGE SUMMARY
In this official conversation, Mike Signorelli and his daughter Bella discuss Christian dating in a digital culture. They cover ghosting, communication expectations, emotional intimacy, group dates, insecurity, situationships, courtship, and the question of how someone recognizes a healthy partner. The central themes are to move slowly, communicate boundaries early, pursue personal healing, treat people with dignity, and focus on becoming a faithful partner rather than searching for a flawless “soulmate.”
KEY TAKEAWAYS
• End ordinary dating conversations honestly when it is safe; blocking or disengaging may be appropriate when boundaries, safety, or harassment are involved.
• Set expectations about texting and digital availability before misunderstandings develop.
• Build in-person community and consider group settings that reveal character and create accountability.
• Do not expect a relationship to heal insecurity or unresolved pain that requires personal work and support.
• Replace vague situationships with clear intentions, mutual respect, and a willingness to grow together.
CURRENT CONTEXT
The original video premiered on May 22, 2025. It is a pastoral father-daughter conversation, not individualized mental-health, legal, or safety advice. Anyone facing abuse, stalking, coercion, or immediate danger should seek qualified local help.
EDITED VIDEO TRANSCRIPT
Mike Signorelli: This is dating advice from a dad. Bella brought questions that she and her friends hear about relationships, and I want to offer the kind of wisdom many people wish they had received earlier.
Bella Signorelli: The first question is whether ghosting is ever acceptable. By ghosting, we mean ending communication without explaining that the conversation or relationship is over.
Mike: In normal circumstances, clarity and respect are better than disappearing. But there are situations involving repeated boundary violations, manipulation, harassment, or safety concerns where ending contact or blocking someone may be necessary. The deeper lesson is to move slowly. Emotional intimacy can create real consequences even when a relationship has not become physical.
Relationships can be compared to driving: speed increases the potential damage in a crash. Do not build intense emotional dependence before you understand the other person’s character, intentions, and ability to respect boundaries.
Bella: Digital dating creates constant expectations. People may assume that a delayed good-morning text means something is wrong. What communication guidelines help?
Mike: Set expectations early. Explain when you are available, when you are working, when you are spending time in prayer, and why you do not want to text all day and night. Clear expectations turn an occasional message into a gift instead of an obligation.
Phones can create a high quantity of interactions without producing the depth that comes from being present together. Quality matters. Healthy relationships need in-person conversation, shared community, and the ability to pay attention without constantly returning to a screen.
Group dates can be useful because they show how someone treats you and other people. Observe whether the person is respectful, encouraging, reliable, and able to participate without constantly demanding attention. Character often becomes clearer in community.
Bella: How can someone avoid dating from insecurity?
Mike: Everyone has insecurities, but dating from insecurity means expecting another person to solve them. A relationship does not automatically heal unresolved pain; it often reveals where healing and growth are still needed.
Ask whether you are making emotional, spiritual, and relational progress before entering a serious relationship. Seek God, wise counsel, healthy community, and professional support when appropriate. A partner can support growth, but should not be assigned responsibility for your identity or healing.
Another question is whether healthy people and healthy patterns are attractive to you. Sometimes repeated attraction to chaos or emotionally unavailable partners shows that familiar pain is being confused with chemistry. The goal is not to shame anyone, but to become aware of patterns and choose differently.
Do not settle solely because of fear about age, loneliness, or scarcity. At the same time, do not build an impossible fantasy from social media or entertainment. Evaluate real character, shared values, spiritual direction, emotional maturity, and the ability to communicate.
Bella: Gen Z often uses the term “situationship” for something that feels like dating but has no clear definition or commitment. What do you think about that?
Mike: Ambiguity can protect people from responsibility while still creating emotional attachment. A healthier alternative is to communicate intentions. Spend time together, learn whether there is genuine compatibility, and be honest about whether the relationship is progressing.
I use the word courtship to describe a focused process of getting to know one person without pretending a permanent commitment already exists. It can include public settings, trusted friends, and accountability. If the connection is not right, both people should be able to end it with dignity rather than discovering that months of ambiguity created unnecessary hurt.
Bella: After discussing red flags, how can someone know they are with the person God has called them to be?
Mike: You may not receive absolute certainty in advance. A better question is whether you are becoming the kind of person who can build a faithful relationship, and whether the other person is doing the same.
Marriage is not static. My wife Julie and I have changed throughout more than two decades together. We have repeatedly had to learn one another, grow, forgive, and become better partners. The idea is not simply that someone “is” a soulmate; a lasting marriage involves becoming faithful companions through changing seasons.
Look for a relationship in which both people can grow, tell the truth, honor boundaries, seek God, receive wise counsel, and repair conflict. Faithfulness is demonstrated over time. The goal is not a perfect person, but two people willing to keep becoming healthy and trustworthy partners.
Transcript note: This transcript has been edited for clarity, length, and safety while preserving the main substance of the conversation. Repeated engagement prompts, jokes, and promotional passages were condensed. The original video premiered on YouTube on May 22, 2025.