How to Overcome Anxiety

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The infrastructure to diagnose, treat, and medicate anxiety and depression, including pharmaceuticals and medications, is valued at 42 billion dollars.  Anxiety disorders affect 40 million adults in the United States and are considered the most common mental illness in the U.S.  If you find yourself struggling with anxiety, I have good news for you: you don’t have to live trapped by anxiety.  

Two Types of Anxiety

There are two types of anxiety: normal anxiety and anxiety disorder.  Normal anxiety is a system installed in your physical being by God to help keep you alive. For example, if you are in the woods and a predator jumps out at you, you have a system built into your body that tells you you need to decide within milliseconds. Do you run, or do you stand your ground and fight? If you are in college and you have a paper due, it is normal to feel a bit of anxiety and pressure.  Normal anxiety regulates your life and helps you to become successful. 

When we talk about anxiety in this blog, we are not talking about normal anxiety.  We aren’t talking about the minor anxiety you may feel if you wake up at 8:59 am and have to be at work by 9:00 am. We are speaking about anxiety disorders in this blog.  Normal anxiety elevates to the realm of anxiety disorder when it becomes out of order (dis-order).  God himself says He is not a God of disorder but peace (1 Corinthians 14:33).  The peace of God, or His shalom, brings order.  When the order, or the peace of God, enters your life, it begins to set things straight. If you suffer from an anxiety disorder, God has freedom in mind.  

Normalizing Anxiety

We live in a culture that normalizes anxiety because it is all around us.  The more prevalent a problem is, the more acceptable it becomes. The message of our culture is that anxiety levels are exponentially rising around the world.  We have adapted our theology to anxiety and accepted that it is a part of life rather than pursuing freedom.  God gave you a fight-or-flight system, but He did not give you the spirit of fear.  

1 Timothy 1:17 (ESV)
For God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control.

As a culture, we have begun to use the personal pronoun “my” when referring to anxiety: “My anxiety.”  God did not give you panic attacks, so don’t take ownership of anxiety anymore!  Your anxiety doesn’t come from God. Instead, he gives good gifts to His children. 

Acts 2:17 (ESV)
And in the last days it shall be, God declares,
that I will pour out my Spirit on all flesh,
and your sons and your daughters shall prophesy,
    and your young men shall see visions,
    and your old men shall dream dreams;

I want to highlight the portion of this scripture that says, “your sons and your daughters will prophesy.”  Prophecy requires speaking using your words.  If Satan knows that God will cause sons and daughters to prophesy, then strategically, to stop the prophecy, he has to pervert the speech of the sons and daughters.  The devil has had to counter the word of God that says, “I have not given them a spirit of fear.” Instead, his strategy is for them to start taking possession and ownership of that spirit of anxiety and calling it “my anxiety.”

Don’t Take My Anxiety

Nobody likes to have something taken from them. One of the first lessons we learn as children is to share because sharing doesn’t come naturally. We lock our car, house, and possessions because they belong to us. If the enemy can get you to take possession of anxiety and say, “This is my anxiety,” you’ll treat it like the rest of your possessions as something to protect and secure so that it doesn’t get taken.  

If you would like freedom from anxiety, you need to determine that you will NOT refer to the spirit of anxiety as yours.   The first thing that has to happen is to change your words.  You have to take captive every thought that exalts itself against the Word of God.  So the Word of God becomes your standard (2 Cor 10:3-6). So if the Word of God has something to say about how you ought to think, talk, and live, and then a thought comes that starts to elevate itself above the standards, you have to take it captive and tear it down.  These thoughts can come from culture, the medical community, the self-help community, the self-esteem community, secular humanism, or any kind of source.  Tear these thoughts down and say, “No, this is what I choose to believe and stand on instead.”  

The Garden of Gethsemane

Jesus, in the moments before the cross, was in the Garden of Gethsemane praying. During this time, the Bible says that his sweat turned to blood, is a medical condition that happens when you are under severe mental duress.  He was starting the process of facing fear. So not only would Jesus’ body be given for our sins, but His mind also had to go through a preparation process in the Garden of Gethsemane.  

No physical torture or pain had happened yet when he was in the garden.  However, Jesus knew what lay ahead and was instead experiencing the pain of imagining what was ahead of him.  He had to win the battle in His mind in the garden first so that when He said, “It is finished,” on the cross, you could have the victory in your mind. He wasn’t only whipped and beaten so that we could be healed from our sicknesses and infirmities and disease. It started in the garden, where His imagination began to conjure up the thoughts of being attacked, ridiculed, and brutalized in such a great way that his sweat turned to blood.  

Jesus Understands Anxiety

Jesus understands your anxiety, worry, and torment because there was a time that His sweat turned to blood.  He said, “God, if there’s any other way, let it pass.”  That goes to show you how powerful the mind is. The enemy knows Jesus was almost broken in His mind in the garden, so when he is trying to bring you down, where do you think he will fight you the hardest? He’s going to fight you in your mind. 

Steps to Reduce Anxiety

A study by Cambridge showed that women from wealthier areas reported lower anxiety levels than women from poorer regions.  This indicated that those who have the resources to cope with and manage anxiety can lower it to normal levels.  I want to help give you some tools to learn how to cope with anxiety when it comes into your life. The Cambridge study indicates that you can bring the levels into a normal range if you know what to do when you feel anxiety rise.  

Step 1: Know God’s Word

G.K. Chesterton, a famous theologian, said, “Anything worth doing is worth doing badly the first time.”  The anxiety we have in life is often from the fear of being judged by others.  We wonder what people will think about how we speak and look, which increases anxiety.  When we face increased anxiety, we need to draw on the best tool for dealing with anxiety – God’s word.  We remember that, “greater is He that is in me than he that is in the world,” (1 John 4:4) and, “If God be for me who could be against me” (Romans 8:31), and we begin to take back control.  We don’t live and die by the criticism OR praise of people.  We live in response to the voice of God.  

When I speak in front of a large group of people, I can feel so much fear and anxiety in my flesh.  “What are they going to think?”  “Are they going to judge me?”  “Are they going to receive this word?”  But the Holy Spirit reminds me that the Spirit of God dwells inside of me.  He never leaves me or forsakes me and will be with me even to the ends of the earth. Furthermore, he reminds me that I am loved, approved of, and loved even at my darkest. And this causes my anxiety to reduce.  

Step Two: Forgive Yourself

This Cambridge study said that people’s anxiety directly correlates with how much they forgive themselves. If you constantly beat yourself up, you produce anxiety levels that go from average to disordered. Many people who suffer from anxiety disorder constantly think about what they’re doing wrong.  Thoughts like, “Today I didn’t parent as I should,” and “I didn’t get the best grades in my classes,” and “I didn’t read the Bible” plague them. The Bible says, “Therefore there is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.” It is so essential for you to learn how to forgive yourself.  Science from just a few years ago says if you know how to forgive yourself, you’ll be free from anxiety, which reinforces what the Bible said thousands of years ago! 

Step Three: Do Something For Someone Else

Proverbs 11:25
Whoever brings blessing will be enriched, and one who waters will himself be watered.

The study from Cambridge says doing something with someone else in mind will diminish anxiety.  My brother, a nurse, once shared the acronym PAIN with me.  When a patient feels pain, it’s an indicator that they need to Pay Attention Inside Now.  If your heart begins to feel physical pain, no matter where you are, you will pay attention to your insides and get the help you need because you could be having a heart attack.  Some of the most selfish people are the people in the most pain.  Because of their internal woundedness, they can only think of their hurt.  They aren’t able to think of anyone or anything else.  They want to be generous and help other people, but they can’t take the focus off themselves.  

Put on the Oxygen Mask

When you are on an airplane, the flight attendants instruct you that if the oxygen mask descends out of the top compartment, put your mask on first before you place it on your children. Now that’s counterintuitive because a loving parent wants to help their child first, as the child is their most precious thing.  The problem with that way of thinking is that if you don’t put the mask on yourself first, you will probably pass out by the time you even think about getting it on your kid.  When you study your Bible, spend time in prayer, and go to counseling to address your trauma and wounds, you are, in a sense, putting the oxygen mask on first so that you can go out and help other people. 

If you want to lower anxiety, do something with someone else in mind.  I’m going through my struggles right now, as many of us are, but I am refreshed as I pray for others, preach, and reach out to people who feel alone and forgotten.  


God asked Abraham to give Him his son, Isaac.  Isaac was Abraham’s most precious thing in life, a long-awaited gift of God.  Abraham could have been selfish.  But because he was a man of faith, he moved forward with the sacrifice of His son.  And as he did, the angel grabbed his hand, and he knew it was a test.  As you pour out your life, God will refresh you and free you from your anxiety.  

A New Song

Psalm 40:1-3
I waited patiently for the Lord;
   he inclined to me and heard my cry.
He drew me up from the pit of destruction,
   out of the miry bog,
and set my feet upon a rock,
   making my steps secure.
He put a new song in my mouth,
   a song of praise to our God.
Many will see and fear,
   and put their trust in the Lord.

Scripture reprograms your mind scripts re-broke programs your mind.  If you’ve got an old script of anxiety running through your mind, allow God put a new song in your mouth.  When you look back at your life, there is no doubt you can see the faithful hand of God written on every page of your life story. To see your anxiety reduced, stop taking ownership of it.  Know God’s word.  Forgive yourself.  And do something for someone else.  


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Casting Out Demons for Beginners

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If you’ve ever felt intimidated by the idea of casting out demons and wondered where to even start, this is a beginner lesson on how to do so. Casting out demons isn’t just something for super Christians or people who are highly trained.  The Bible says that all believers will cast out demons.  Mark 16:17-18 (ESV) says,

“And these signs will accompany those who believe: in my name they will cast out demons; they will speak in new tongues; they will pick up serpents with their hands; and if they drink any deadly poison, it will not hurt them; they will lay their hands on the sick, and they will recover.”

Notice it says, “These signs WILL accompany those who believe.”  If you are a believer, that’s you!  If you believe you believe in Jesus, in His name, it says you will cast out demons. You will speak in other tongues.  You will pick up serpents with your hands and if you drink deadly poison, it won’t hurt you. There is divine protection for those who do spiritual war in Christ’s name.  They will lay their hands on the sick and they will recover.  So if you haven’t seen sick people recover, it is not because God cannot do it through you, it is probably because you have not allowed Him to do so by a simple act of obedience through laying your hands on people and praying.  

Authority Through Jesus

Where does the power to cast out demons come from?  You have authority through Jesus Christ. If you are not under the authority of Jesus, you cannot cast out demons. But, if you are under the authority of Jesus, you can. I have two daughters, and sometimes when they argue, the older one comes to me and says, “Dad, my little sister won’t stop annoying me.”  I tell my daughter, “Go tell your sister that I said to stop it.”  When she goes back to her little sister, now her sister listens to her.  Her little sister doesn’t listen because her older sister has authority, but because I, her dad, have authority, and then delegated it to the older sister.  When the little sister hears her big sister say, “Hey, Dad said you better stop or he’s going to deal with you,” she changes her behavior.  The situation changes when the older sister exercises her delegated authority.  When you are effective at casting out demons, it is not because you are a powerful person, but it’s because you have been given power and authority by Jesus.  The demons respond to Jesus, through you!

Authority and Power

Matthew 12:28 says, “But if it is by the Spirit of God that I cast out demons, then the kingdom of God has come upon you” (ESV).  Imagine that you are a police officer. The badge you wear is a visible sign of your authority.  The weapon that you carry as a police officer is the power that you use to act on your authority. So, in a sense, Jesus is the visible authority (your badge) and the Holy Spirit is your power (your weapon). If you shoot without a badge, you’re considered a criminal.  Similarly, if you go out and try to fight crime without a weapon, the criminals will easily overpower you.  So to have Jesus without the Holy Spirit means you’re powerless.   It means you have authority but nothing to enforce your authority.  Conversely, to just have the Holy Spirit but not the authority of Jesus is like shooting without a badge. There are people who have tried to cast out demons without belonging to Jesus, and the demons say, “We know Paul, but who are you?” You can try to cast out demons, but in order to be effective, there has to be a reality of your reliance on the Holy Spirit.  

Police OfficerHow Do You Know It’s A Demon?

So, once you have your authority (Jesus) and power (the Holy Spirit), how do you know if you’re encountering a demon? I can personally speak from my experience in deliverance. In deliverance, one needs to constantly diagnose and assess, which requires discernment through the Holy Spirit.  Not every issue is due to a demon.  Sometimes, our issues are due to the flesh.  In some circumstances, a person doesn’t need deliverance, they need discipline.  The Bible tells us in Galatians 5:24, “And those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires” (ESV).  You can’t cast out the flesh.  The flesh needs to be disciplined and brought under the control of the spirit. 

Opening Up A Doorway

However, if you perpetually give in to the desires of the flesh, there is a very high likelihood that you have opened up a doorway in your life to the demonic through that repeated sin.   We use discernment from the Holy Spirit to determine what that situation calls for.  The analogy I always give for discerning whether you’re dealing with a demon or it’s the flesh is this.  You have King David and you have King Saul.  King David sinned and made mistakes, but he was quick to repent.  King Saul was unrepentant, which means that the sin in his life was perpetual.  As a result, we see that King Saul was vexed by demons, but we do not have a biblical account that King David was vexed by demons. 

An Open DoorImagine your home.  If you left the doorway to your house open all the time, it’s only a matter of time until something like a squirrel, a stray cat, a rat, or a raccoon comes in.  King David and King Saul were both sinners who made mistakes.  However, the difference was that Saul opened a door through his sin but left it open.  David also opened a door through sin, but immediately slammed it shut through repentance.  Repeated disobedience opens a door to the demonic.  Repentance shuts the door.  

What Do I Say to Cast a Demon Out?

We can look at the biblical accounts of Jesus himself casting out demons in order to determine what to say to cast a demon out.  In every account, it’s different.  He simply has a dialog with the demons.  Jesus never offered a formula, and I believe this is for a very specific reason.  Those who are religious are always trying to learn rituals, formulas, and the words to say.  Witches and warlocks say the right words.  They have incantations and spells that they cast that require specific words.  That’s not what happens with deliverance.  The Bible says that the Holy Spirit will teach you all things.  There is no repetition of specific words.  You must be reliant on your relationship with the Holy Spirit who will then reveal to you what you’re dealing with.  That’s why it’s important to have a heart posture like John the Baptist: “I decrease so that God can increase.”  Over the years, I’ve learned that you don’t get better at deliverance, you become more surrendered to the Holy Spirit.  

The Blood MoonWhat Prevents Effectiveness In Deliverance

What are the things that prevent you from being effective in deliverance? One of the things that will stop you from being effective is pride and unconfessed sin in your own personal life.   It also could be a lack of knowledge, which just means in a certain situation you didn’t know what to do.  Another thing that can prevent your effectiveness in deliverance is that you haven’t built your reliance on the Holy Spirit.  This results in doing ministry out of your head or heart, which is the soul realm, not the spirit realm.  

Where Do You Start?

The first person that you should get good at doing deliverance on is yourself.  The scriptures teach us that there is a necessity to unlock the shackles and chains and “loose thyself.”

The very first deliverance I ever did was my own. As a teenager, I vomited uncontrollably in my shower as I went through the process of breaking curses off of my life and then casting demons out of myself.  It was so liberating and such a confirmation of how real the supernatural realm is.  

So before you cast a demon out of someone else, begin with yourself!

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How to Cleanse Your House from Evil Spirits

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How do you close the door to the demonic and cleanse your home from occultic influences? 

Here are some signs that you need to cleanse your house from evil spirits:

You feel a foreboding presence or darkness. 

This could include the feeling that something is walking behind you, someone is watching you, poltergeist-like activity including door slamming, light switches going on and off, bumps and creaks in the middle of the night, experiencing a supernatural figure/ghost, and hearing voices. Recently I heard the story of a woman who heard a male voice saying, “Shh, it’s gonna be okay,” to her baby and there was no man in the room. It was a familiar spirit.  

There’s a lack of peace in your home. 

This could manifest as an environment of fear, apprehension, worry, dread, and doubt, causing you to be on edge constantly.  

You are holding onto items from another time in your life that you know are wrong.

Maybe you’ve kept items and things from another part of your life that you know are wrong to possess.  

Deuteronomy 11:26-28
“See, I am setting before you today a blessing and a curse: the blessing, if you obey the commandments of the Lord your God, which I command you today, and the curse, if you do not obey the commandments of the Lord your God, but turn aside from the way that I am commanding you today, to go after other gods that you have not known.”

You Have a Choice

Here we see the personality and character of God in offering us a choice.  The Holy Spirit is giving you a choice today.  You can have witchcraft, tarot cards, psychics, mediums, the occult, sage, and crystals, or you can have the power and the presence of the Holy Spirit.  The Prince of Peace can reign in your home, but you have to choose Him. You can’t have a Word from God and a word from your horoscope in the same house. One of the biggest ways that we can be cursed is by acknowledging and worshipping false gods, which include false religions and new age religion, which is the occult.  That is how we are cursed.

According to Galatians 3:13, Jesus died on the cross so that the curse could be broken, but that doesn’t mean that you’re not living under the curse. You have to choose. Jesus paid for us to be completely free from all of the curses, but we still have to make a choice.

Isaiah 47:11-14
But evil shall come upon you,
which you will not know how to charm away;
disaster shall fall upon you,
    for which you will not be able to atone;
and ruin shall come upon you suddenly,
    of which you know nothing.
Stand fast in your enchantments
    and your many sorceries,
    with which you have labored from your youth;
perhaps you may be able to succeed;
    perhaps you may inspire terror.
You are wearied with your many counsels;
    let them stand forth and save you,
those who divide the heavens,
    who gaze at the stars,
who at the new moons make known
    what shall come upon you.

The prophet Isaiah is mocking them: “Yeah, let all the people you watch online that give you psychic words, all the astrologers, all those you call on the phone and they give you a psychic reading, let them come and save you from what God’s about to release on You.”  

God’s Judgement

The judgment of God is real. Jesus’ death on the cross satisfied the wrath of God. The penalty of sin and the consequence of astrology, psychic mediums, accursed items, and occultic practices didn’t go away. The consequence is still there.  Yes, the wrath of God has been satisfied by the sacrifice of Jesus, but the wages of sin is still death. The only hope you have is the blood of Jesus washing you clean and covering your family.  

If you throw a pile of occultic objects in your garbage, but you don’t serve the Lord, then all you’ve done is clean your house. You haven’t cleansed your house.  I’m not talking about doing a house cleaning. I’m talking about cleansing.  

Deuteronomy 7:25-26
The carved images of their gods you shall burn with fire. You shall not covet the silver or the gold that is on them or take it for yourselves, lest you be ensnared by it, for it is an abomination to the Lord your God. The carved images of their gods you shall burn with fire. You shall not covet the silver or the gold that is on them or take it for yourselves, lest you be ensnared by it, for it is an abomination to the Lord your God.

What Is From The Occult?

How do you define something as being from the occult? It is an object that has supernatural influence that is not from God.  They don’t help you, they hinder you and stand between you and God.  Occultic items represent counterfeit comfort.  The only true comfort comes through the living God, Jesus Christ, that you can know and experience and hear clearly through the person of the Holy Spirit. 

Any and every object that represents counterfeit comfort needs to be removed from your house.  Here is a list of items that are associated with the occult that you should cleanse from your home:

  • Astrology
  • Horoscopes
  • Voodoo 
  • Catholic objects such as images of saints, crucifixes, candles, holy water, and catholic prayers 
  • Objects or written prayers that have been used in witchcraft or given to you by a witch 
  • Crystals 
  • Sage
  • Books that influence and change your worldview or philosophical perspective away from a biblical worldview.  
  • Pictures of dragons
  • Items associated with kundalini yoga 
  • Dolls with no faces
  • Tarot cards 
  • Angel cards 
  • Any candles that you’ve lit in a ritualistic way 
  • Toys that draw on or represent the demonic realm (video games, etc)
  • Dream catchers anytime

This is Not Legalism

If were to give you an exhaustive list of all the things you should throw away, that would make me an arbiter of religion, but I’m not here to give you legalism and religion. I’m here to empower you through the Holy Spirit so that you can listen and obey His voice.  No one can tell you what is detestable; only the Holy Spirit can tell you what is detestible to Him.

As a general thought, to simplify things, I believe that if you have to ask if something is of the occult, it’s probably not of God.  

The Blood of the Lamb

When we read about Passover in scripture, the blood of a lamb was applied to the doorpost. The angel of death would pass by and if you did not have the blood of the lamb applied to the doorpost, death would come to your family. Jesus, the perfect lamb, has been sacrificed and His blood has been applied to the doorposts of our lives so the spirit of death passes by.  When you don’t have the blood of the Lamb applied to the doorpost of your life, demonic spirits begin to get access to your home.  So before we can cleanse your home, we need to make sure the blood of the Lamb of God is applied to your life.  We need to start with salvation.  If you question whether or not you’re saved, if you question whether or not the blood of the lamb is applied to the doorpost of your life, then the first step is for us to solidify that.  

Romans 10:9-10 (ESV)
Because, if you confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved. 10 For with the heart one believes and is justified, and with the mouth one confesses and is saved.

The power is in believing these words:

Heavenly Father, I give you my life. Wash me with your blood, Jesus. Forgive me of all my sins.  I surrender to you. I give you my home.  I give you my family. I give you my children. In Jesus’ name, amen.  

If you prayed and believed that prayer, you are now under the blood!  

Anointing Oil

If you have olive oil, we’re going to anoint your home. In the Bible, oil represents the power, protection, and provision of God. A good shepherd would pour oil over the head of the sheep so that gnats and bugs couldn’t get in their eyes or their ears to cause infestation. 

You don’t need a pastor to come into your house.  The Holy Spirit has given you the same resurrection power that was in the apostles.  So grab a bottle of olive oil and we’ll begin cleansing your home of the demonic.  

Start at the Front Door

Start at the front door of your house.  Anoint the doorpost and begin to pray over your home.  You can pray something like:

Father, as I go through the door and anoint with what represents your power, your provision, and your protection, I release and speak the favor of God in my home.  Divine favor that flows from Jesus.  Not because we’re good, but because You are good.  Father, I thank you for anointing being released to remove the yoke and destroy the power of the enemy.

The Occultic Items

Gather the items you found in your home that represent the occult.  Break them if you can (but be careful not to hurt yourself).  Pray:

Father, you set before me a choice to choose blessing or curse.  I am not going to live under the curse of the occult, witchcraft, or sexual perversion.  I choose the blessing.  

Your Children’s Rooms

Anoint every doorpost to your children’s bedrooms, and begin to pray over each room:

God, we thank you for your fire being released in my house.  I pray that my kids would know you, and that this would be a house of revival.  I pray that this would be a house of prayer, supplication, and devotion.  Stir a hunger and a desire on the inside of us to seek you like never before.  I pray that worship would go out of our houses.  I cancel demonic assignments and pray for the strength and power of God over my children’s lives.  I call my lost children back to God and declare that Jesus will be their first love. 

Your Bedroom

Go to your bedroom and anoint the doorpost.  Enter and pray over the room:

Father, I thank you that even in my place of rest, where I sleep every night, every demonic spirit that would try to thwart my slumber and rob me of rest would be broken right now.  I break the power of every single tormenting spirit, lying spirit, perverse spirit, spirit of sexual immorality under the sound of my voice and tell them to go in the name of Jesus.  

Build An Altar

God doesn’t remove without replacing.  As an end to our cleansing, we’re going to build an altar to the Lord in our home.  Lift your hands as a sign of complete and total surrender.  Repeat after me:

Holy Spirit, you are welcome in my home.  You can have every door, every crack and every crevice.  It belongs to you.  Everything that happens in this home, let it be to glorify you.  Let everything done in secret glorify you in this home. We dedicate our homes to you.  God, I give you the [insert family name] family.  Everything that we’ve ever been, redeem it for your glory. For a thousand generations, through my bloodline, let every generation that proceeds from me glorify you.  As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord.  Amen.   

My Breakthrough Community is full of people just like you who are hungry for more of God. If you are interested in learning more, consider joining the Breakthrough Community!

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Chemistry and Compatibility

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In a relationship, chemistry and compatibility are important.  We are pretty familiar with chemistry.  It’s the butterflies-in-the-stomach, electric connection you feel when you are near your partner.  Chemistry is almost drug-like, brought on by neurotransmitters and feel-good hormones; it’s almost beyond our control. But what does it mean to be compatible?   Compatibility is defined as “​​the natural ability to live or work together in harmony because of well-matched characteristics, the quality or fact of being in agreement.” Chemistry is automatic but compatibility takes work.  In the event of divorce, there are usually two reasons – incompatibility or infidelity.  And sometimes incompatibility produces infidelity.  

Couple with chemistry and compatibilityGo Back to the Beginning

We often counsel couples who are on the verge of divorce and want to end their marriage.  One of the things we’ll say is, “Let’s go back to the beginning – the memory where you knew they were the one.”  You knew something.  You felt something.  You were convinced that he or she was the one.  We urge couples to put their compatibility struggles out of mind and remember the chemistry.  If you can’t see a future right now, go back to the beginning.  What made you fall in love?    

Couple with chemistry and compatibility

We’ll Do Anything

When we met, I was so obsessed with the idea of marrying my wife.  I was a resident assistant at a college, and didn’t have the money to get her an engagement ring.  I did whatever I could to save in order to get her that ring… I didn’t care what it took!  At the beginning of our love story, we’ll do anything for the person we love.  But, sadly, at the end, we’ll do nothing.  

Lack of Compatibility is No Excuse

Some would say their lack of compatibility is why they watch pornography or hold their spouse in contempt.  I want to exhort the men reading this:  don’t ever lust after another woman if she hasn’t paid the price to bear your children.  Your wife is due respect and honor. When you married your wife, you did not make a mistake.  But when your heart began to wander, you did.  

So how do you fix a marriage that is lacking chemistry or compatibility?  

1. Fun fixes marriages.  

When you laugh you last.  Over the course of our marriage, we have learned how to laugh at ourselves.  We laugh at almost everything.  We even laugh at the weirdness of our bodies as we age and go through the ups and downs of life.  Lust ruins marriage, but fun fixes it.  Make time and space for fun.  Go do the things you did early in your relationship on dates, before the worries of life took over and things got complicated.  Or, go try something completely new together!  Being out of your comfort zone can be an adventure!

Couple with chemistry and compatibility

2.  Focus fixes marriages.  

If your marriage needs fixing, it’s time to change your focus.  Instead of focusing on what is wrong, focus on what’s right.  Stop focusing on dirty dishes.  Buy paper plates.  Are you going to ruin your marriage over dishes?  Refocus on the important things.  

3. Faith fixes marriage.  

Hebrews 11:1 says, “Now faith is the evidence of things hoped for and the substance of things not seen.”  Life will not go the way you plan it, but it will go the way you prophesy it.  In faith, declare that you’re going to have chemistry and compatibility.  


Check out our YouVersion plan “Rip Up the List: Renew Relationships” where Pastor Mike takes you on a 7-day journey through the seven phases of romantic relationships. Each day you will be challenged to rip up the list of failures and mistakes and pursue relationships that reflect God’s heart.

My Breakthrough Community is full of people just like you who are hungry for more of God. If you are interested in learning more, consider joining the Breakthrough Community!

Request prayer here.


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What are Soul Ties and How Do I Get Free?

By | Deliverance, Relationships | No Comments

Have you moved on to a new relationship, but you’re still lusting after someone you broke up with a long time ago? Do you keep going back in your imagination to connections from the past? Have you blocked your ex and have no way of communicating with them? You may have a soul tie.  

What is a Soul Tie?

A soul tie is when your mind (intellect), will, and emotions become knit together with another person.  There is both a biological and biblical basis for soul ties.  Contrary to what you’ve probably heard, soul ties can occur in various relationships, not just romantic.  

Soul Ties in the Bible

We see soul ties between parent and child in the story of Joseph.  Joseph’s father, Jacob, had a soul tie to his son Benjamin.  

Genesis  44:30-31 (ESV)
“Now therefore, as soon as I come to your servant my father, and the boy is not with us, then, as his life is bound up in the boy’s life, as soon as he sees that the boy is not with us, he will die, and your servants will bring down the gray hairs of your servant our father with sorrow to Sheol.”

In the story of David and Jonathan, the Bible says that they had a soul tie in their friendship.  

1 Samuel 18:1 (ESV)
As soon as he had finished speaking to Saul, the soul of Jonathan was knit to the soul of David, and Jonathan loved him as his own soul.

You can even have a soul tie to a leader – spiritual or otherwise.  We see that between Judah and their king David.  

2 Samuel 20:2 (ESV)
So all the men of Israel withdrew from David and followed Sheba the son of Bichri. But the men of Judah followed their king steadfastly from the Jordan to Jerusalem.

The soul tie we hear the most about is the one between a man and woman, established through the act of sexual intercourse or close emotional and intellectual bonding.  

Genesis 2:24 (ESV)
Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.

Like a Dog Returns to Its Vomit

I want to start by saying that you can be free if you have an ungodly soul tie to someone.  You don’t have to live in the past.  Maybe you ended a relationship with a narcissist or a toxic person, but there was a sexual component. Perhaps you ended the relationship with the pastor who used or abused you, but there is a remaining spiritual connection.  If you know you’re in a toxic relationship, you need to get free, and you can get free. So often, though, despite our knowledge that we need freedom, we continue to return to that relationship repeatedly due to the tie that connects us with the person.  Why?

Proverbs 26:11 (ESV)
As a dog returns to its vomit,
    so fools repeat their folly.

The Bible says a dog returns to its vomit.  It is a vivid and distasteful depiction and evokes a reaction.  Why would a dog return to its vomit?  A dog’s sense of smell is so keen that it can still perceive the morsels of undigested food present in the vomit.  It can sense a little bit of good among the vomit, which compels it to return and consume something that is otherwise abhorrent. We often behave this way in relationships that have soul ties.  We keep going back because we see a little bit of good in the relationship.  That indicates that there’s a soul tie that needs to be broken.  

Satan’s Counterfeit

Soul ties are not always bad.  There are times when you establish a healthy intellectual and emotional connection with others.  These connections are necessary for us to form healthy attachments that foster security and feelings of well-being.  God has created soul ties so that husbands and wives, family members, and close friends can form secure connections with one another.  But whatever God creates, Satan counterfeits.  Wherever God places purpose, Satan places perversion.  Soul ties can take something God created that is necessary and pervert it into something designed to keep you in bondage.  If you keep accepting a counterfeit, there’s no room for God to replace it with the real thing.  

Colossians 2:2 (ESV)
that their hearts may be encouraged, being knit together in love, to reach all the riches of full assurance of understanding and the knowledge of God’s mystery, which is Christ,

God doesn’t want you to remove people from your life so you can miss out on relationships.   He wants to remove so that he can replace.  Everything God has is better than what he asks you to give up. He won’t take away a broken relationship without replacing it with a covenant-level relationship.  If you keep settling for counterfeits, you cannot accept the upgrade.  

Cutting the Ties

The scissors for cutting your soul ties are in your hands.  The scissors are the signs that the relationship is unhealthy and ungodly.   

Some signs of unhealthy soul ties are:

  • You know you’re being used.
  • Lack of trust.
  • The relationship has no benefits to you.  
  • There’s an obsessive element to the relationship.
  • You crave the approval of the person.
  • There’s emotional intimacy that’s not beneficial but you keep going back.  

Let’s take our spiritual scissors and cut the ties today if this describes you.  Pray with me:

I break and release every single soul tie now in the name of Jesus. I cut and sever myself from all romantic relationships, spiritually perverse relationships, and past relationships in the name of Jesus.  I renounce every connection that was not from God in the name of Jesus, and I declare that I am free by the blood of Jesus.  I thank you that every chain is broken, mental torment is ending, and obsession is ending.  Whom the Son has set free is free indeed, in the name of Jesus.  Amen.  


Check out our YouVersion plan “Rip Up the List: Renew Relationships” where Pastor Mike takes you on a 7-day journey through the seven phases of romantic relationships. Each day you will be challenged to rip up the list of failures and mistakes and pursue relationships that reflect God’s heart.

My Breakthrough Community is full of people just like you who are hungry for more of God. If you are interested in learning more, consider joining the Breakthrough Community!

Request prayer here.


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What is a Spiritual Spouse? Incubus, Succubus, and Lilith

By | Deliverance | No Comments

If you experience terror at night in your sleep, you may have a spiritual spouse.  A spiritual spouse, or spirit spouse, is a phrase used in shamanism.  Spiritual husbands or wives help a shaman assist in their work of witchcraft.  In many cultures, the belief is held that a spirit spouse will cause someone to be successful in witchcraft.  The relationship between shamans and their spirit spouses is expressed romantically, sexually, or sometimes symbolically.  Shamans report engaging with their spirit spouses through dreams, trancelike states,  and other ritualistic elements.  In some cultures, you have to gain a spiritual spouse to prove that you’re a legitimate shaman.  

What does the Bible Say About Spiritual Spouses?

Genesis 6:4
The Nephilim were on the earth in those days—and also afterward—when the sons of God went to the daughters of humans and had children by them. They were the heroes of old, men of renown.

Genesis 6 talks about spiritual entities (the sons of God) that had relationships with human women and even impregnated them.  Their children were called the Nephilim.  I know this sounds wild, but if you are a Christian and claim to believe the Genesis account of creation, you have to also believe Genesis 6.

Isaiah 34:14 (NKJV)
The wild beasts of the desert shall also meet with the jackals, And the wild goat shall bleat to its companion; Also the night creature shall rest there, And find for herself a place of rest.

Some translations of the Bible refer to “the night creature” as Lilith.  Lilith is a night demon who is sexually wanton, actively seeking out victims to violate sexually.

Signs of a Spiritual Spouse

Those who struggle with orgasms or wet dreams in their sleep could be experiencing a spiritual spouse.  Spiritual spouses can also look like demonic activity in the night where they feel their bed shake, the sheets move, or feel a presence on top of them as if a demon is raping them.  It can also look like sleep paralysis (not all sleep paralysis is demonic).    These demons can be incubus, succubus, or Lilith.

Open Doors for Spiritual Spouses

A spiritual spouse is a demon.  Demons can come into your life through open doors, such as the practice of witchcraft, horoscopes, astrology, ouija boards, or signs.  Even if you haven’t participated in these, if someone in your family has, they could have opened a door to it. The door could be opened to spiritual spouses through molestation or abuse.  Viewing pornography and engaging in sexual sin are other ways that doors could be opened.  

My Story

I was tormented in my sleep from my earliest recollections.  As a three-year-old, I remember waking up in the middle of the night and seeing my entire room covered in frogs.  My grandmother was heavily rooted in witchcraft and held seances.  There were many open doors to the demonic on both sides of my family.   I remember waking up out of nightmares, and sleep paralysis started at a young age.

As a teenager, I would experience this in an extreme sense, waking up and feeling as if I was being raped.  My bedsheets would be ripped off of me.  Other times I would be physically choked, gasping for air.  I would even put tape recorders in my room to try and capture the noises I heard. I had so much anxiety to go to sleep.  I was obsessed with figuring out why this was happening.  

At this point, I was young in my faith.   I started to learn spiritual warfare and discovered that Jesus cast out spirits.  I read Romans 10:9 and learned about generational curses and how the sins of your ancestors can be transmitted through your bloodline.  I discovered that Jesus came to break curses.   I learned about the demonic and how when you are a believer, Jesus himself gives you spiritual authority over darkness.  You can renounce and cast out demons.  After this, I went from terrified to sleep to excited to exercise my spiritual authority.  I went from a kitten to a lion!  

How I Found Freedom

Once I learned about my spiritual authority, I took myself through deliverance.  You can walk yourself through deliverance – you don’t need someone to do it for you.  Allow the Holy Spirit to target what you need to repent from and then confess it,  renounce it, and break the curses.  Before self-deliverance, I felt demons following me down the hallway.  I was so afraid of the dark that I would strategically turn out the lights so that I wasn’t in the dark too long. Sin opened up the door to these demonic experiences.  But once I was delivered, it all ended.  

Sleep Paralysis

There are two forms of sleep paralysis.  One is a form of demonic activity which includes sexual activity or being physically held down after waking.  It is exhausting to experience and steals your strength and peace.  There is another form of sleep paralysis that is actually necessary for restful sleep.  Being paralyzed during your sleep due to brain chemicals allowing your body to rest is good; God designed you that way.  The negative form is when you wake up and your body is still paralyzed and held down by a demonic entity.  

How do you know if your sleep paralysis is the healthy kind or the negative kind?  Learn to practice good sleep hygiene.  This includes:

  • Getting plenty of exercise during the day
  • Eating healthy foods that nourish your body 
  • Stopping caffeine consumption early enough in the day so that your sleep isn’t affected
  • Putting your phone down an hour before you go to sleep
  • Reducing the temperature in your bedroom to a comfortable, cool level
  • Bringing in white noise
  • Establishing sleep routines like taking a shower, reading the Bible, and praying prior to sleep before you go to bed


How Do I Know If I Need Deliverance?

You can’t blame everything on the devil.  If you eat greasy pizza at 11:30 pm and then have terrorizing dreams, start by eliminating the pizza.   But if you exercise and your diet is right, and if you eliminate caffeine early enough in the day, and you’re still being tormented, you need deliverance.  If you will confess your sins, deal with generational sins, and break curses off your life, you’ll be free from whatever succubus, incubus, or foul spirit is on your life.   There are some things you can’t counsel, coach, or cure with a pill – they have to be cast out.  Allow God to deliver you, live free, and sleep peacefully in Jesus’ name! 


If you’d like to hear Pastor Mike pray over people to be freed from spiritual spouses, click here.  

My Breakthrough Community is full of people just like you who are hungry for more of God.  If you are interested in learning more, consider joining the Breakthrough Community!

Request prayer here.


Download our FREE 35-day devotional to learn to hear God’s voice and communicate it clearly.



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