February 2020

Welcome all of the “control freaks anonymous” to the blog! Haha 

If you’re anything like me, you struggle seeing people you love make the same mistakes over and over. It’s like, “when are you going to finally see everything I’ve been trying to explain to you?!” 

I’ve spent years facing the harsh reality that a prophet in his hometown is without honor. As a preacher and pastor, people send me messages from all over the world recounting stories of breakthrough and freedom as they listen to a sermon, or received prayer during an event. It’s very easy to hear these stories and assume that I have the power to change people. 

It’s even easier to get upset when all of my efforts to change the people closest to me fail. 

Why did they not listen? 

When are they finally going to see it? 

How do I stop them from making bad decisions?

Spend more time changing your reaction than trying to change them. #protip

— Mike Signorelli (@mikesignorelli_) February 12, 2020

These are the questions that plague our souls while in a relationship. Whether you’re a husband, wife, girlfriend, boyfriend, brother, sister, friend….whatever….you are going to feel this way sooner or later. 

We need to have HEALTHY relationships, marriages, and friendships. And this isn’t just cutting out the UNHEALTHY people, or desperately trying to change them—but something else entirely. 

You have a responsibility to practice radical sacrifice, and to exchange disunity for unity. Sometimes, you must sacrifice your pride to have crucial conversations, saying things in love with the purpose of reconciliation.

(See Galatians 5:19-26, 2 Kings 6:15-17, Galatians 6:7-8, Matthew 5:23-24)

You get HIS provision, protection, and peace when you fight a battle in HIS strength.

How do you fight for unity, instead of fighting to “change them”? You fight the spirit of disunity with its opposite.

1. Unity against division
2. Empathy for contentment
3. Vulnerability for isolation
4. Encouragement for gossip
5. Prayer for angry opinions

Put your energy into fighting the RIGHT FIGHT!

We spend our energy fighting AGAINST our relationships, instead of fighting FOR our relationships. We see this all the time in marriage: people spending energy to be right, but not spending energy to be one.

“This is my commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends. You are my friends if you do what I command you. No longer do I call you servants, for the servant does not know what his master is doing; but I have called you friends, for all that I have heard from my Father I have made known to you.’” John 15:12-15 ESV

Here’s the secret: your phone has a front facing camera and a camera on the back. As long as you keep the front facing camera on you, and focus all of your energy into changing what you see mentally, physically, and emotionally for the better, according to God’s will, you can experience the peace of God. You do not have the power to change anyone on earth except YOU. Let your change inspire their change. This is what you can control. Model the behaviors you want to see in others. Be the change you desire in the world. 

If you want to learn more about how to handle haters, watch this message from our new series GHOSTED and subscribe to our youtube channel:

https://youtu.be/NnkuvtIRPxY

Let’s face it—you need love. 

I’d like to think that it’s possible to satiate that need with a phone. I’d like to think that checking into church, the gym, and work would satiate the desire for closeness. 

You have two seemingly contradictory needs: independence and closeness 

Some psychologists believe that our earliest experiences in the womb shape this paradoxical desire. We are wholly dependent and independent at the same time. NSYNC captured this struggle with their hit song, “Baby” ….yes…there’s a profound revelation in the words: “It’s tearin up my heart when I’m with you/but when we are apart I feel it too/and no matter what I do/I feel the pain, with or without you” 

We all struggle because there’s a part of us that wants what we don’t have. If you’re single, you want to be in a loving relationship. If you’re in a committed relationship there’s a tendency to wonder “what if” you were single again, or even with someone else entirely. Getting the ratio of independence and intimacy right can feel paralyzing, confusing, and painful. 

If you wanna kill your dreams, get close to the wrong person.
I’m talking about the kind of people who don’t love you, they love the idea of you.#ghosted

— Mike Signorelli (@mikesignorelli_) February 4, 2020

Being single and dating can feel like that moment when you pour a bowl full of cereal and you’re super excited, but then realize you’re all out of milk. Expectations are at an all-time high and an all-time low 

Even if you start enjoying being in a relationship it can feel like when you’re sleeping and your alarm hasn’t gone off yet but the amount of sleep you’re getting feels a little suspicious. 

We feel the tension between independence and closeness. How do we know when we are encountering the real thing? 

Counterfeit Closeness: Closeness without covenant 

Their “promise” is not enough. Heck, nowadays, a contract isn’t enough. Every time I see a billboard advertising $399 for a divorce I wonder, “Did the couple first try to spend $399 on dates?” We can settle for a counterfeit closeness that says sex, promises, and even contracts are enough to bring the sense of closeness we desire. Covenant is a commitment outlined in scripture. The Genesis account of creation details the first human relationship. Adam had a relationship with God, but that was actually not enough. God said, “it isn’t good that man is alone.” It’s possible to know God and yet still have a measure of loneliness in your life. Even God honors our aching for human intimacy and provides provisions to satisfy our longing. Remember, it was God Himself who made Eve from Adam’s rib. God is still providing and provisioning the relationship you long for. His faithfulness is never-ending. 

Know therefore that the Lord your God is God; he is the faithful God, keeping his covenant of love to a thousand generations of those who love him and keep his commandments.

Deuteronomy 7:9 

Counterfeit Independence: “I can take care of myself” turns into “I don’t want to hear your input.” There’s a fine line between healthy and unhealthy independence. 

“I don’t want to get married” can actually be, “I don’t want to get hurt.” 

Sometimes, even trying to take care of yourself prevents people from serving you. You can become so independent that there’s no room in your life for someone to safely occupy relational space. Adam recognized the need for a helpmate. God recognized the need and provided. Pride and woundedness tells you that you can do it all by yourself, but God orchestrates a beautiful interconnectedness that heals us as we lean into relationship. 

God wants to turn the pain of relationship into purpose. 

God wants you to experience true independence and intimacy. I find it surprising that the Holy Spirit has two primary roles as outlined in scripture, and both of them fulfill our greatest needs. The Holy Spirit is our comforter (intimacy) and He empowers (independence)! 

So it is my prayer that you come into relationship with the Holy Spirit through the finish work of the cross, so that you can bring every other relationship into alignment. 

For more insights, subscribe to the V1 Church Podcast and listen to our series, “Ghosted”

 Just in case, here’s the podcast link: https://soundcloud.com/user-209942460/its-tearing-up-my-heart-ghosted-part-1